24 Oktober 2018

kangen menulis

heiyyy ada blog ini hahaha.

sejujurnya gw buka" blog ini lagi buat apa coba, buat nyari foto berempat gue, dias, albert, dan dian!! :''')

dan gw malah jadi baca" ulang segala hal yang pernah gue tulis di sini. merasa bahwa, situasi" yang gw gambarkan di sini masih cukup familiar. dan bersyukur ternyata pola pikir gw, kalau pun tidak benar" berkembang, setidaknya konstan. tidak menurun.

i'm proud of how i grew up to be :)

kalau sekarang gw nulis, gw mau nulis tentang apa ya? banyak banget yang lagi going on in my head, di antaranya:

1. betapa gw super enjoy ngajar. gw mulai attached nih, hahaha.
2. kemaren gw baru ngasisten lapangan: best time!
3. gw lagi apply for another cruise this feb-march. doakan!
4. gw ga sabar pengen pulang desember HAHAHA
5. gw...... malas ngerjain phd :(

ada beberapa hal lain yang pengen gw bicarakan, tapi somehow, gw udah ngebatasin banget yang namanya waktu untuk berbuat ini itu. dalam arti, sekarang gw lebih bisa ngefilter, mana yang 'ngefek' buat gw dan mana yang bisa ditinggal.

gw pikir gw bakal punya waktu yang significantly lebih banyak dibanding tahun lalu pas ngurus PPI UK dan ISIC, ternyata nggak. hahaha.

waktunya ga jadi kosong, cuma jadi keganti sama hal lain, yang di masa sekarang punya porsi penting.

duh, maaf yah, dulu kayaknya gw kalo nulis segalanya literal banget. apa yang bisa dilihat, dirasa, diraba, diterawang #HAHAHAHA sekarang kayak vague banget. ga maksud kak, tapi gw cuma mau berbagi bahwa....... i'm at a very different level now.

kerasa banget. di tahun pertama gw masih planga plongo. masih bego. takut". ga punya keberanian. masih tolol deh. ngobrol ini itu sama supervisor lebih banyak bengong dibanding nyambung. spent sooooo much time cuma buat ngerti satu dua paper. etc.

sekarang kayak, i know where i am, i know what i'm supposed to do. jadi lebih tenang.

...tapi ga berarti lebih baik hahahaha.

yasudah, mungkin beberapa hari ke depan kalau ga malas gw akan update di sini. kalau ga buat pembaca at least buat diri gw sendiri. i really love this memory lane of mine :)

see ya!

05 September 2018

reminiscing the cocos-nazca cruise

last april to may, i spent around 35 days at the open sea. yes, the open sea. i was part of the science party of SR 1806, a scientific cruise dedicated to study the evolution of the cocos-nazca spreading centre.

nope, i am not going to talk about the scientific thingy, i am only going to share some of my experience and how i feel along the cruise. because, hey, not many people can talk about their feelings and it's really rare to have a space to express our feelings.

it started by my first ever supervision meeting. andrew, one of my supervisors, asked if i were interested in joining any cruise. and of course, i said yes! he told me, back in october 2016, that there will be a scientific cruise in early 2018, but i will need to secure sponsors and whatnot.

along my project i got introduced to joe cann, a senior geologist who worked at leeds. it was him who finally 'sponsored' me with his money as a 'co-investigator' that is given by the university. so i owe everything mostly to these two people: andrew and joe.

i thought i was going to be one of the youngest amongst the participants. well, i was, but the demography of the science party was relatively young! there were only three senior scientists amongst 11, and the rest are in their late 20s or early 30s!

our beloved science party. taken by captain dave.
to me, days gone by so quickly. not only that i always have stuff to do and data to process, but also we got along really well. emily, our chief scientist, divided us into shifts and i got during the geophysical survey, i got iker as my partner. the guy on my right side in the picture. we got along quickly and tell each other stuff. eventually when they created another shift for rock dredging, we kinda miss each other because i prefer to stay on the night shift and iker was moved to morning shift!

me and silly iker. taken by elya.
my dredge partners was ben, scott, and elya. all young scientists! our research technician was jim. he's a really nice guy. normally scott will be very busy accompanying jim to operate the 'dredging joystick' to grab cool rocks from the bottom of the ocean, while ben will be looking at rocks and making spreadsheets. me and elya would normally spend our time stitching burlap bags to grab bigger rocks and talk about a bunch of stuff from geology to not geology! i even taught her how to do ceilidh, a scottish dance, lol.

by the time the shift changed, ben, scott, and elya are still in 'their zone' and could not sleep, and i got partnered with iker again. there were times where we played guitar together, singing 'bare necessities' or 'i wanna be like you' or other disney songs. it was so cute! eventually the three of us: me, elya, and iker, got along really well. other than playing guitar and singing stuff, we used to go out to watch the stars or went to the lounge together to watch some movies. one time elya recommended a movie that has became my all time favourite: everything is illuminated. iker hated it because it made him cry! but i looooove it, sooooo much. it was such-a-good-movie.

me and iker posing between our 'jam session' on the night shift. taken by elya.
one time, iker told me that he found a movie that i would love. it was howl's moving castle! a ghibli movie! it was because at one shift, i was playing totoro in my laptop, but i skipped the intro.

"gaby, don't turn it off."

"what? why?"

"it's totoro. i want to listen to the song."

"you know totoro?!"

"i have a lot of secrets."

we then talked about lots and lots of japanese references like sailor moon, doraemon, lots of stuff! so, back to the lounge. we were watching howl's moving castle. everytime a song played i couldn't help but to get excited and iker always say "shut up, gaby! look" how could i? apparently almost every ghibli songs that i love are the soundtrack of that movie! so everytime any of howl's moving castle song got played in my spotify, it always brought me back to the cruise.

also captured by elya.
besides watching movies and singing, some of us spent our free time by playing board games. yes, board games! the regulars from our scientific party was me, elya, and scott. we even had our own gaming sessions in between our shifts! once we played while speaking english in different accents: american, russian, british, japanese, indian, you name it! ben, the only 'other person' who were there but didn't join our game was like "...you guys are ridiculous" while continuing his 'anniversary project' for his wife. aawwww.

other than elya and scott, we've got regulars from the crew also, which was matt, cameron, elysia, and henry. we mostly played catan because it was the only game that allowed up to 6 players. sometimes some of us needed to be on a team, sometimes not all of us showed up. but by the end of the cruise, we played every single night after dinner. even scott would not mind to be waken up for a game!

me and elya were even crazier. we sometimes played pandemic only the two of us, and one time we were reading a so-called 'science tarot cards' to 'see' our future! it was lots of fun!

throwing away our worries... in the form of iced milks! no worries, we only threw the iced milk, not the box. we ripped it all away. captured by elya.
finally it was time to go. for some, it felt like christmas, because they were looking forward to see the land and reunited with their family and friends. but for others, at least for me, it felt really sad. i was having the best time of my life with the best people on that boat. gone were the daily science talk (whenever we were not on shifts), the dredge codes by restechs, the sleepless nights of data processing, and of course, the having fun! one night, all eight of the young science party laid down on the front area of the ship to see the stars. it was a really clear night that day. we chatted about stuff from how the moon is actually made out of basalt (the very same rock that made the oceanic crust!), about astronauts, about what we would do after the cruise.... just everything!

without even realizing, a lot of stuff reminded me about the cruise and the people in it. i've told you about how ghibli soundtrack made me reminisce about the cruise, another thing was a novel with the title of 'everything is illuminated.' yes, the same title as the movie elya recommended. because of the movie i could never read it the same way :'') i always read several parts with ukranian accent!

..and i could never finish it. it hit me too hard everytime i reopen the book and continue reading.it was warming and sad at the same time. warming, because it reminded me of the best time of my life. sad, because i know, it would take a long time for us to ever see each other again.

see you all, guys :')

12 April 2018

miss saigon: all the things i love about theatre in one play

most of you might know broadway/west-end from hits musical such as chicago, wicked, even book of mormon. well, even if you've never seen the play directly (heck most of them are routinely played only in new york or london), you must at the very least recognize the songs. but have you ever heard of miss saigon? no? i won't blame you for that.

so i know miss saigon firstly from my dad. he mentioned it somehow in some period of my life, i'm not sure when or where. he works in theatre biz, that's how he knows at the first place. then i was very lucky to have a chance to go visit new york and see broadway production for the very first time of my life last december *yaay! then, of course, i didn't go allll the way to new york only to see one play.

first play i saw, classic: chicago. also, because todrick was in it *YEAYY. turns out it was.... meh. it's ok, but not 'great.' but still, it was a first time anyway so i was wayyy excited, especially when todrick came on stage *AAAGGGHH

then the second day i was comparing one brochure to another. i would love to see book of mormon, but andrew ranells' not in it anymore, and they've got book of mormon in london. wicked, les mis, phantom, no. aladdin, big no. they're all playing in london anyways. so which one?!

then i saw that there were two plays that were closing soon: cats and miss saigon. i remember nino, my brother. he really loved cats the musical when we were little while it didn't impress me much. i didn't remember what it was all about, i only remember people in cats costume dancing and singing, and of course, the song memory. miss saigon, of course i remember my father. he really loved that play, and i have never heard anything, like literally anything about it. not even in glee lol.

so i took a bold choice: i'm seeing miss saigon!

..IT WAS SO DAMN GOOOOODDDDD OMAGAWD.

one of my favourite scene, aaaagghh!

chicago is nothing, NOTHINGG compared to this play. the set, the story, the talent, EVERYTHING. the ticket was even cheaper and i've got a lot better seating than i expected! i was ALMOST late but thankfully i wasn't!

the play took place during the vietnam war. it was opened with chaos in a village and a girl in white dress got 'saved' by someone who calls himself the 'engineer' - who is apparently a pimp. the song 'heat in saigon' broke the chaos feel perfectly, oh-my-god. the cue was perfect, every light was on in the exact precision with the music, and the chaos turned into.. well.. another form of chaos in a brothel, lol.

then came this confused american soldier named chris. his friend 'bought' this girl in the white dress for him, and the drama starts. it was.... pretty boring about the first hour after the 'magical' opening. but then entered my favourite scene: the remembrance day of the unification of vietnam. the setting was soooo good. the feel, the music, everything. the audience were brought back to a strong 'communism-feel like music' with amazing martial arts choreography, even a liong, the chinese dragon act!

and the story goes.. it was not a happy ending and dreamy story as it was pictured in the beginning. it was totally a tragedy. and the more i think about it, the more i learn about the facts that really was happening during and after the vietnam war, which could be elaborated into few points:

  1. young soldiers were involuntarily drafted to the war. to a place they never even knew existed.
  2. the US retreated. the soldiers were sent back home.
  3. these young soldiers left the young girls they met during their 'placement' with children.
  4. the children got harassed after the war ended. children with 'western' complexion were seen as traitor, bringing bad luck, etc. as most of them were conceived to be born from a soldier and a prostitute. while their only 'sin' was being born.
  5. america then made an agreement, that people with these complexion are allowed to have a US citizenship. this, again, brought chaos as people were trying hard to leave vietnam for a US citizenship. some of them tried to be someone else's 'family.' hence, believe it or not, there was a time when flights full with kids and babies were flown to the USA.
  6. the soldiers? they experienced PTSD, anxiety, etc. and not treated that well either back home. they were seen as 'peace offender' from the people who were against the war, and as a 'failure' from the people who were rooting for the war.

all these complexities were beautifully captured in this 2 hours and 40 minutes play. this is a play of no 'happy-go-lucky' songs, they were all depressing in some way. even the 'happy' song! oh-my-god i couldn't get over it, i just couldn't!

and the talent, oh-my-god, the talent. eva noblezada and allistair brammer was per-fect. per-fect. jon jon briones, of course, pictured the engineer really well as it really WAS his key role in broadway. rachelle ann go, too, left a marvellous feel even for a slight 8-10 minutes in the beginning of the play. it-was-awesome.

then the play came to the UK! and i found someone who i could watch plays with: imammanda! after some convincing he agreed to watch miss saigon with me in manchester AND HE CRIED. HE LITERALLY CRIED, like who didn't?! and he loveddd it. and by the second time i watched it, even with different casts, i was again moved. and i learned even more, and i started to do a litte 'research' about this play, and found even more intriguing facts.

well, shortly. you've got the whole story, which was based on an actual event in history. you've got beautiful music. you've got the talent. and you've got...... i would really love to tell you of the whole plot, but simply it was a love triangle, and everyone, i repeat, everyone got hurt. in the most different way possible. the first time i saw it i thought only two of them were hurt, but by the second time, i realized the third one... also got hurt, and the only 'sin' of this person was being there.

simply, when you have miss saigon, come see it! i would really, really hate it if it needed to be closed down. really.

25 Januari 2018

a realist dreamer

gue abis nonton the greatest showman.

for the sole reason of dia bagus banget dan serius banget garap numbersnya.

i really am a sucker for musicals. gilak. walau dari segi cerita.. ya udah aja. tapi ya. ada lah, beberapa numbers yang gue pengen bediri terus ikut nyanyi. hahaha. i miss my time in glorify. cie. hahaha.

gue ini bukan aktris ya. namun namanya dunia, dunia ini panggung terbaik bagi kita, ya toh? terserah, ada yang memakai waktunya untuk bersandiwara, ada yang lebih nyaman keeping it real. kalau kamu kenal saya, kamu mestinya tau, saya yang mana.

kemaren gw abis ngobrol banyak donk, sama rahmia. seneng deh. satu hal yang gue syukuri dari 'memaksakan' diri untuk tetep ikut ppi uk adalah, ketemu orang" yang pandangan hidupnya beririsan atau mirip". bener kata mba nida, makin dewasa, teman" kita makin menggambarkan siapa kita.

menurut mia, ada beberapa orang yang berada di suatu tempat, tanpa keinginan tertentu, tapi ya emang dia mesti ada di situ. sementara banyak orang yang mau posisi itu dan ga bisa punya, orang ini malah dapet. dan gue terhenyak. hahaha.

kalau gue flashback ke kehidupan gue sejak SMA, list leadership gue.. banyak sih, haha. dan dari semua itu, satu-satunya kepemimpinan di mana gue literally mencalonkan diri adalah saat gue jadi ketua Persekutuan Oikumene (kerohanian kristen) di SMA gw. lainnya, rikues masyarakat. halah :'')

ketua pencinta alam, dicalonkan. wakil ketua buku tahunan, dicalonkan jadi ketua, tapi gue menolak dan lebih pilih jadi wakil aja - i have had enough kata 'ketua' by then. kadiv acara kecil"an himpunan, dicalonin sampe 2x, tapi di yang kedua gw nolak dan menyerahkan tongkat ke orang lain yang juga gue anggap kompeten. ketua orienteering, dicalonkan. kadiv karya di IMG, dicalonkan, dan itu divisi yang masa itu benar-benar baru, jadi mostly program gue ngarang from scratch or at least rebranding. ketua PPI Brest, dicalonkan. kadiv pendidikan PPI Prancis, dicalonkan. wakil ketua OKTI, kompetisi paper tahunannya PPI Prancis, dicalonkan, walau jalur komandonya jadi aneh but we simply did not have enough people by then. hingga sekarang, kadiv kastrat PPI UK merangkap ketua ISIC, dicalonkan.

itu kalo kerjaan gue ada gajinya, kaya raya kali ya? coz i always did good, mwahahah.

tapi kalau ditanya, kepentingan gue apa, untungnya gue ngerjain semua itu apa.. gue ga bisa jawab lah :'')

my sole reason is to make everyone happy. they said you can't make everyone happy, well, i am aiming for the right people to be happy. and i always did.

saking terbiasanya gue hidup buat orang lain, kadang gue suka lupa hidup buat diri sendiri. mau-maunya gue ini ya apa hahaha. tapi yah, gimana yah. selama kerjaan itu enjoyable dan punya hasil yang pol"an ya kenapa ga dikerjain sih.

memang, klise sih, kalau kita mengharapkan sesuatu dari semua yang kita kerjakan. yang dulu senior" sering bilang, kita dapet teman. well.... berapa kali sih gue ketemu teman" sekerja gue selama setahun? sama siapa sih gue bisa cerita kalau sakit kepala?

terus dapet pengalaman organisasi, bla bla bla. well, pekerjaan yang gue ingin lakukan, rasanya ga terlalu butuh pengalaman organisasi. people will more likely hire me because of my journals than my leadership experiences.

and why am i still doing this?

i know, i can always say no. but, meminjam kata" P. T. Barnum, i'm a showman.

give me a stage and i'll dance. i'll make people laugh. all those work.. is solely because, i wanna see people smile. i wanna see the people i work with proud of themselves and what they have achieved. gue, gue bukan siapa". tapi gue bisa bikin mereka jadi seseorang. karena dipercaya itu, perasaan yang ga bisa digantikan dengan hal lain. haha.

jadi kembali kepada cita" di awal.

i wanna make everyone happy. at least, the right ones.

moreover, i want my team to be proud of themselves. of what they did. what they have become by the end of my leadership. and that, will always make me happy :)

28 November 2017

it's all for the best!

i'm soooo excited!

i've got:

1) my AGU poster 'due date' which i set for myself this thurs, 30/11.
2) leeds' fellowship christmas worship and celebration this sat, 02/12.
3) bhangra audition vid for the national comp this sun, 03/12.
4) my f***in huuuuge AGU poster will be printed max next wed 06/12.
5) I'M GOING TO F***IN AMERICA on 09/12!!! GAAHHHH!!!!
you know what, i'm tired :'')

oh, i have not said anything about PPI UK just yet but I AM SOOO BLESSED with such AMAZING members in my dept! yes i MEAN it! :D

but hopefully all of those crazy activities are worth it. i am a lot happier this day of the year than last year. like, a lot.

one reason to be happy :) picture taken by jaspal

dear Lord,

i do not ask for much this end of year. just please, please make me go through this last month, i.e. december, healthy. yep, healthy. that is all i am asking for. i'll try to eat good, drink vitamins, and not knock myself off. i know that i do not own the power, but You yourself who own it. if you want it so be it. may my single life #ay! be a blessing to each and everyone who are in my proximity :'')

AMEN!

anw i found a really good post of mine, which i posted like 5 years ago. read it here! here's a snippet of what i wrote: "Tuhan ga menciptakan gw karena iseng, Dia menciptakan gw dengan rencana. gw hanya harus mengenal Dia lebih lagi untuk bener" tau apa yang Dia mau gw lakukan dalam hidup ini."
(Alodia, 2012)
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