16 Desember 2015

pasti ada sesuatu

gw mulai kembali ke kegiatan gw yang seharusnya: nyari phd!

namun belakangan gw jadi sedih. kenapa gw ga fokus geologi sih dari dulu. kenapa gw harus mempertahankan ke-itb-an gw walau kecemplung di geodesi. kenapa udah begini bukannya kerja malah sok"an pengen jadi dosen yang ujungnya mesti jadi ilmuwan. dan sekalinya bisa puter balik ke earth sciences yang sebenarnya, aku hanya bisa jadi orang di belakang layar, yang ga ikut ke lapangan, karena keilmuanku berbeda, bukan geologist gaul yang biasa megang batu itu. aku pun jadi sedih :'')

namun semuanya, pasti ada sesuatu di belakangnya. pasti itu. pasti.

mari berharap sesuatu itu, sesuatu yang menarik. kita lihat nanti, kehidupan ke depan seperti apa. repelita sudah tak semudah dan seindah dulu. namun usia masih memperbolehkan saya untuk mengambil resiko. semoga dapat yang terbaik. semoga.

lagu kesukaan saya, apalagi versi barry-albert maupun versi grace sahertian. rindu internet cepat :')
ps: saat menulis pos ini, saya lupa aturan pertama dalam hidup: only compare yourself with your goals. not with the other person's achievements................... goal gw sekarang satu aja lah, ga banyak". jadi ilmuwan indie. yes.

14 Desember 2015



(finally) taking the leap. doakan. saja.

22 Oktober 2015

"there are three things in this world you can have: money, power, and fame. some people are lucky to have all three, some are lucky enough to get two of them. but normally, you will always have to choose one from the other."

thus a colleague during my first year internship said. he's a german. he's like, 40 i guess. he was there during the war. hopefully this is not racist but, he truly represents a german. simple-minded and does not overthink tasks ;p

ya kalo dibandingin sama kata kata bijak di saat teduh ya jauh lah yah, tapi ini teh yes pisan dan manusiawi pisan hahaha.

well, if i could tell, gw kangen sik nulis pake basa enggres. jadi pos ini nyampur nyampur dikit gapapa yak.

i'm kind of busy right now, with no good internet access. and i am truly thankful that i have it today, and yesterday. well, half of this day then, thanks to tante iin tercintah. aku lagi jadi refugee hahaha.

i've just bought a new laptop, yeay!

laptop anyar nu aink! ini poto nyang dipanjang di onlen setor-nyah.

so i bought it online, thanks to the e-commerce growth in indonesia, i do not need to "nawar nawar" and i already have 250k off. and harganya is just the same lah for this type nyari di toko onlen manapun juga, in plus, ga perlu keluar tenaga. saya yang pada dasarnya pemalas, tentu sangat bahagia!

ide belanja online ini sebenarnya muncul dari teman gw yang jauh lebih pemalas dibanding gw. mari kita sebut dia sebagai tm, teman malas. yang didahului oleh pembicaraan gw dengan teman gw yang sangat rajin. mari sebut dia sebagai tr, teman rajin.

gw: er (dari kata 'tr' - red), beli laptop dmn yak?
tr: mangga dua
tr: glodok
gw: syeng
tr: jauh amaaat

sementara dengan tm di waktu lain.

gw: em (dari kata 'tm' - red) beli laptop dmn yak?
tr: lajadah.co.ideh (disensor ceritanya - red)
gw: JENIUS

dan huyeh! lajadah! dan gw pun sekalian belanja henpon - karena, oh, henpon gw sudah sangat menyedihkan - dan memory card dan flashdisk. duileeee belanja buk?!

TAPI SENENG!

pertama, karena duitnya duit sendiri! aku hemat hemat buat ini! aku tahan tahan ga beli laptop di sana buat ini!!

kedua, karena aku masih bisa save sekian jumlah uang dari budget yang ditentukan di awal, bahkan setelah spend money buat mmc dan flashdisk!!

ketiga, I FREAKIN LOVE MY LAPTOP!! :''') laptop ini gue banget. kalau boleh jujur, this is the first time that i get to chooooooose my own laptop. like, seriously. dan ga butuh waktu selama itu, ternyata! sebagai manusia yang tercuci otak oleh macbook white sejak awal 2000an, buying a laptop has never occurred to my head because it's freakin' complicated. there's just too many choices! i guess that's why people love apple. because they do not offer choices, fufufu.

dan akhirnya jatuh ke si dell inspiron 3458 i5 ini. firstly karena gw nyari" laptop apa yang cukup powerful buat linux - gue si sotoy yang selalu pengen coba hal baru huahahaha sok sokan pake linux - dan jatuh ke dua pilihan: dell or hp. hp? sounds more like a printer to me -___- zz hahaha. and simply i narrowed it to dell. then i found a dell - not adele, cieee, puns - but it's just too heavy: 2.8 kg zz. and i found this! only 1.8 kg! yuhu! tadinya gw menemukan laptop sejenis yang harganya lebih murah lumayan jauh, namun ternyata dia masih i3. ah. walau gw ga ngerti" banget itu apaan, tapi ini kan long time investment yah. bagaimana kalau ke depannya aku butuh prosesor canggih buat olah data? yasudah, beli deh yang i5 ini, wehehe.

secondly, gw sempat membandingkan laptop ini dengan yang lain. but i said to myself: dammit geb you're not good at this. you're only wasting your time, just buy it already! and i bought it.

thirdly and most importantly, kenapa gw bilang ini laptop gue banget: laptop ini ga ada dvd rom-nya huahahahaha!!!!

kok gw banget? itu gw banget nyet, mengingatkan gw akan ke-clumsy-an gue!!!

gw: er
tr: woi
gw: laptop baru gw
gw: gada dvd-romnyaaa
gw: :'''')
tr: lah
tr: kalo enteng emg biasanya gada dvd-romnya
tr: gw pikir lo dah tau :'')

senada dengan tr, tm pun bertindak.

gw: em
gw: laptop bar gw
gw: gada dvd-romnyaaa
gw: :''')
tm: geb
tm: lo beli laptop ngasal ya
tm: ga liat spek dulu hhaha

sementara untuk henpon gw serahkan sepenuhnya pada rekan lain yang bisa kita sebut sebagai teman haitek (hi-tech maksudnya - red), th. gw bilang mau xiaomi. dia bilang beli redmi 2 prime. and i simply did.

lalalaaa~ aku mau cari uang lagiiii~ dan semoga masih tetap bisa berbagiii hihi.

21 Oktober 2015

october 24th latest will be confirmed




aku aku aku mau~ (sementara) gambar ga ada yang punya saya~

13 Oktober 2015

blessed and happy

(source)

it's been a rough, rough week. truly.
gw ngajar, gw nyiapin materi, gw koreksi tugas, gw nyicil dokumen Cat. A ITB, gw ketemu beberapa teman baik gw yang ingin gw temui, and i am truly blessed.

capek iya. tapi seneng :')

i hope that i do have chosen the best path. Engkau selalu berkata, segalanya akan tersedia. dan 'segalanya' itu, kini muncul perlahan. apa yang gw tabur perlahan terlihat tuaiannya. dan yah, tuaian banyak, tapi pekerja sedikit ;)

well, mudah"an gw tetap akan bisa makan. money-wise, what i will be doing might not be as "promising" as the other prospective career paths. but after having the past long week.... i know that, this is what i wanna do. this is how i am going to find, perasaan "fulfilling" dan kebermanfaatan gw utk orang lain. i do am so happy right now :'')

05 Oktober 2015

saya sedang jadi beyonce

apa yang paling saya butuhkan? napas kak, napas! (gif bukan punya saya)

ahoy! tebak sekarang gw di mana? di bandung! di hotel! ngapain? besok gw ngajar! #zezeeennnggg

believe it or not, per gw pergi dari brest, tepatnya pada tanggal belasan september (i didnt even remember the exact date to be honest), gw belum benar benar memiliki kesempatan untuk bernapas secara normal. dari gw ke kak anita, terus gw mondar mandir paris buat urus kiriman, di tempat mujid pun gw cuma punya waktu tidur 2-3 jam krn most of it dipake utk ngurus okti dan packing yang tentunya disambi ngoberol ngalor ngidul bareng si mujid, di schiphol pun gw cuma bisa agak merem sejam sebelum akhirnya ketemu nanda erian yang berimbas pada ngoberol ngalor ngidul dan "foto bareng ahok" (ahok beneran pas baru balik dari rotterdam!), sampe indonesia langsung ditarik mondar mandir sana sini, and guess what, udah paling random se-indonesia, ya itu tadi tuh yang di atas. besok gw ngajar.

napas kak, napas!

di tengah kesibukan itu pun saya sempat sakit perut seharian mwahahaha :''')

if you asked me, i would say that i am totally blessed. gw yakin ini bener" hasil dari doa emak gw yang ga amin". selain itu, apa yang dahulu (dan hingga sekarang) gw tabur, pelan" nongol tuaiannya #azeg walau kadang ya itu tadi: aku butuh bernapas!!!!

tapi sadar tak sadar, sebenarnya gw cuma butuh satu hal untuk bernapas: internet!

kamu lihat, pukul segini saya masih melek. mengapa? INTERNET! gw abis ini mesti kerjain utang data gw ke pembimbing #matigue dan nyiapin materi buat besok (baca: boboknya sejam aja ya kak yaa). yaudasik, kemaren bobok gw udah kebanyakan juga hahaha.

GW EXCITED! and exhausted as well.

inner circle gw kebanyakan sedang tidak di sini. ingin segera bercengkrama bodoh dengan mereka mereka ini. terutama mendengarkan love life mereka yang jauh lebih seru dibanding pembicaraan masa depan buwakakakak.

bicara masalah love life, oktober ini musim kawin. namun setelah singgah dari kawinan ke kawinan, gw mendapati bahwa, kawinan is sooooo boring. my kawinan needs to have something 'else' walau tidak (ahem, belum) akan terjadi dalam waktu dekat.

gw: gw kawin di sukabumi apah
gw: ntar di undangannya ditulis "tents are provided. please bring your own sleeping bag."
gw: terus yang jomblo sm yang sudah menikah dipisahin, biar yang sudah resmi bisa berbuat yang halal halal dan yang jomblo bisa paling tidak menemukan seseorang untuk diperhalal.
clara: geb
clara: apa pun itu
clara: gw aminin deh
clara: yang penting elo dapet calon duluk

bahahahahh. ini kenapa jadi ngomongin kawin dah!

kemaren mas anjar kawin. akhirnya beliau sampai juga di tempat tertinggi bagi seorang manusia itu: di pelukan pasangannya. hahei!

terus lutfi kawin. lutfi nyet, lutfi! si kribo ituk!

terus minggu mandut kawin. iman coi, iman! iman!!!!!

maraneh iraha?

11 September 2015

update on targets iyeaz

singkat saja!

gw cuma pengen ngapdet SEPULUH target yang saya canangkan dalam pos ini. dimulai!

SATU. beresin tetralogi buru. biar bisa lanjut ke buku lain.
rumah kaca masih belum beres, tapi bacanya udh disambi sama buku" lain jugak :'') score: 7.8/10

DUA. move on dari tiga buku yang dikirim via pos ke kakak diandra namun tak kunjung sampai dan berbalik ke alamat pengirim pun tidak.
BUKUNYA TIGA"NYA BALIK KE ALAMAT SAYA! YUHU! dan si kakak jadi malah pinjam buku lain uyea~ score: 10/10

TIGA. nonton zero dark thirty.
wew. i even forgot about it. 0/10.

EMPAT. nonton film lucu.
SUDAH! well, ga film sik. gw nontonin stand up dodit dan kelakuan sule andre dkk di yutup dan ngakak sampe mo nangis :') 10/10

LIMA. bikin lagu lagi.
SUDAH! unpublished, just yet. ahei! 10/10

ENAM. berenang. di kolam atau di laut.
SUUUDAAHHH DI LAUT MEDITERANEAAAA HUHUIIKKK!! 10/10

TUJUH. keliling kota" kecil bretagne di kala cerah.
hem, bisa dianggap sudah sih sebenarnya. saya kemarin ke nikahan teman saya di kota kecil yang saking kecilnya aku lupa namanya. dimulai di gereja lanjut di manoir, semacam kastil kecil gitu. sweet deeh, and i sang there ;) lalu sempat main ke utara, nyusur ploudalmezeau-landunvez-porspoder. bobok beratap bintang, AND I SAW SOME SHOOTING STARS! STARS! PLURAL!!! 10/10

DELAPAN. beresin segala aplikasi yang berkaitan dengan what-the-hell-am-i-gonna-do-in-the-freakin'-near-future.
hemmmmm..... let's give like, 5/10 here wkwkwk. it's on track, but not that 'ready ready.'

SEMBILAN. minta kekuatan dari Tuhan terus-menerus dan tidak mengandalkan kekuatan sendiri. been there. done that. awful result -__-'
ALWAYS SELALU GA PERNAH NEVER! gw bahkan agak kaget pos" gw belakangan jadi holy sekali :'') You're The Best. 10/10

SEPULUH. hemm.. bikin sate padang/mi aceh lagi sebagai pemuas lidah dan pengobat rindu akakakak~
SUDAAH! dan enyak ahaii~ 10/10

okei.. so the total isszzzz:  82.8 OH WOW THAT'S JUST CRAZY.

i'm so proud of myself. #apeuuu

my thesis! my thesis! wohoo!

03 September 2015

sekedar pengingat

i lava you (pixar, 2015)

"God do not want us to work on a grand, self-centered plan based on the idea that we could rise to the heights of God and solve all of our own problems. Our faith does not rise out of our own dreams and solutions. The foundation of faith is in God alone and what He can do in and through us."

Mart DeHaan, ODB

27 Agustus 2015

running, still

the running track (somewhere from google)

lately i've been running out of purpose. i stopped thinking about my phd and focused more on my graduate thesis. it is now finished, both the text and the slides for my defense. so i can dedicate myself more to the search of phd. aaaand..... the search of purpose.

yes, i should've finished reading 'the purpose driven life' years ago if i didn't easily stopped, even before day 10. i'm lost. literally. i reached the point where i don't even know what i want. so i did what i can do best. i talked with a lot of people, listened to their ideas, reading articles from different sources, and of course, not forgetting my 'morning routine,' which sometimes changes to afternoon, even evening reading ;p

guess what i found today.

"the need for self discipline"

do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the price? run in such a way as to get the price. everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training....... i do not run like someone running aimlessly; i do not fight like a boxer beating the air. no, i strike a blow to my body and make it my slave... (1 corinthians 9:24-27, some of the verses)

i've just had a chat with two of my 'friends-as-well-as-guides.' in short, they told me that i have went this far and it's too bad if i gave it all up. i'm one phd away from that predefined career that i chose. yet i'm tired and not even sure if i fit for a phd candidature.

well i guess i only have to push myself a bit further. let's just see what life will give me in the near future.

20 Agustus 2015

karier bukan karir

ulula~ ternyata gw kangen ngeblog.. sudah lama juga tidak kemari..

seperti yang (mungkin) kalian ketahui, gw lagi nesis. deadlinenya 24 agustus pukul 23.59 CEST alias senen besok coi. sekarang gw lagi di akhir bab 4 dari 7 bab yang ada. bab 6 sama 7 mestinya bisa cepet karena tinggal ngemeng" diskusi dan kesimpulan, abstrak juga bisa cepet kalo semua beres. yang rempong emang 4 bab pertama yang isinya pendahuluan, rumus"an, teori dasar, kondisi geodinamika di area penelitian, dsb dsb yang adalah sintesa gw dari berbagai paper yang udah ngendon lama di harddisk dan paper" yang baru gw donlot pas nulis. besok mesti beres sampe bab 5 karena bakal diskusi hasil sama pembimbing uhuyeaaahh!!

satu hal yang menarik mengenai pertesisan gw adalah, TESIS GUE KEREN #gaplok!

tapi sumpah, TESIS GW KEREN! gw sendiri amazed sih sama apa yang sudah gw lakukan dan terutama apa yang dilakukan tiga orang pertama yang gw sebut di acknowledgement: pembimbing satu, pembimbing dua, dan orang yang bikin program yang selama ini gw pake dan modif. mereka bisa punya ide penelitian begini darimana yak? terus berani define metode yg mereka pake jg drmn? wah cool lah. salut pake pisan.

di tulisan ini gw ingin menyoroti dua hal: (1) bagaimana sesuatu yang disebut 'knowledge' baru bisa jadi sesuatu ketika berbenturan dengan 'experience' serta, (2) kolegalitas 'beneran' bukan 'semata'

pertama, gw kan sempet 3 minggu kerja di montpellier tuh. di salah satu pintu kantor"nya, gw nemu gambar ini:*


pas ngeliat gw udah langsung berdecak kagum. coool. this is so true!

dan tebak apa, gw baru saja benar" memahami makna dari gambar tersebut! selama 5 bulan ini gw kan kerja ya kerja aja, disuruh pembimbing apa, gw ngikut. disuruh apa, gw ngikut. pokoke hajar bleh. studi literatur gw juga macet" karena banyak banget kosakata yang gw ga paham sama sekali di awal. bahkan permasalahan utama dari penelitian gw ini aja gw ga ngerti cobak! what de what?!

sampek akhirnya gw jalan terus, kerja terus, diskusi sama pembimbing, banding"in hasil, sampe di satu titik gw dapet feelingnya dan ketika gw mulai menulis, gw pun mulai paham apa yang sebenernya dikatakan oleh paper" yang gw baca ituh!!

jadi selama gw nulis ini gw bener" connect the dots antara satu paper dengan paper lain, antara satu teori dengan teori lain, kenapa gw melakukan penelitian dengan metode ini, hasilnya apa yang diharapkan, algoritma programnya gimana dan kenapa parameter"nya dibedain, kenapa parameter" 'itu' yang dibedain, dsb dsb dsb pokoknya they are all now connected!! and it's really COOL!!

second of all, soal kolega. gw bener" kagum sih sama kolegalitas tiga orang yang barusan gw sebut itu. mereka bener" ngedukung satu sama lain dengan kemampuan yang mereka punya dan ga tuh namanya rebut"an jadi bos.

pembimbing pertama gw orang geologi yang ngerti geodesi, tapi geodesinya ga dalam. dia bos dari penelitian ini and everybody respects that, jadi yang namanya keputusan apa pun itu, di awal mau pun di akhir, dia yang pegang. spesialisasi dia di proyek ini adalah mengenai sejarah dan latar belakang geodinamika di area penelitian gw, karena dia udah melakukan banyak penelitian di sana.

pembimbing dua gw orang geofisika yang ngerti geodesi. pembibing pertama gw ngambil dia krn tertarik sama metode yang dia gunakan di penelitian phd-nya. simply, metode ini pengen dia terapkan dia area penelitian dia ini, jadi bisa dibilang pembimbing pertama gw ga begitu ngerti dengan apa yang terjadi pada perhitungan di metode si pembimbing dua ini. tiap diskusi pun, si pembimbing dua menyatakan, dia cuma bisa interpretasi sejauh pemahaman dia mengenai algoritma yang dia terapkan, karena dia ga pernah punya pengalaman penelitian di daerah yang bersangkutan.

untuk masalah programming, ada si orang ketiga yang puuure orang geodesi. lebih tepatnya, geodesi fisik, jadi mainan dia emang sama geoid dan bentul" matematis bumi lainnya yang memang sangat fundamental. menurut laporan yang gw baca, involvement dia dalam project ini 10%, dan walau dia emang susah bener dihubungi saking sibuknya, dia ujung"nya pasti availabe utk resolve masalah yang ga bisa di-resolve sama pembimbing pertama dan kedua ini. wah pokoknya mereka tim yang keren lah. ditambah lagi, lokasi mereka itu jauh"an. pembimbing satu gw stay di brest, pembimbing dua di montpellier, si orang ketiga di paris. rusuh lah pokoknya, tapi jalan!

jadi kepikiran.. kalau benar ntar gw jadi dosen di itb, kolegalitas seperti ini bakal ditemui ga yah? atau, gw bisa bangun itu ga yah? sekarang kan udh ada nih sample" calon dosen yang gw tau, bisa ga yah, kami" ini nelen ego masing" dan bener" open mengenai penelitian" ke depan?

yah.. we'll see kak.. we'll see..

07 Agustus 2015

some of my friends' best advices

huyah! aku sedang kesepian kakak :''( kesepian kenapa? ga tau nih, kayaknya tumpuk-menumpuk. pertamah, setres dari nyusun tesis yang tinggal 2 minggu tapi masih heboh sama referensi" yang udah lama kesimpen di harddisk laptop tapi baru bisa dimengerti sekarang. keduah, sekarang ngobrol sama orang susah, dan gw lagi butuh"nya ngobrol, ntah kenapa. beuufff. ketigak, kayaknya bentar lagi gw mo dapet wkwkwkwk #geplak!

sayangnya sekarang akoh cuma bisa begini kalok pengen ngoberol, baik sama temen temen akoh ato mamah akoh ato siapa pun yang ada hubungannya sama akoh #huk (gambar dapet dari gugel)

baiklah! seperti biasa, nama disamarkan! botoy: bocah sotoy. bosu: bocah nesu. boje: bocah geje. kawis: kakak wise #buahahahaha! sedih amat yang beneran wise cuma satuk :') nasehat ini munculnya macam macam, ada yang sudah lama, ada yang baru muncul. dan kalok orang ngasih nasehat ke gw, biasanya temanya ga jauh": love life! ahahahem. oke. dimulai!

botoy: gimana sama yang lo ceritain kemaren?
gw: bff lamban.
botoy: sabar. aries lo jangan keluar.

gw: gw br merasakan
gw: friendzone itu situasi paling wtf sik
gw: baik nge-friendzone maupun di-friendzone
gw: sepanjang jalan kayak "why why whyyy"
gw: gan tak pernah bisa terjawab hahaha
bosu: geb
bosu: sampe misalkan jadian
bosu: pas pacaran pasti cuman satu arah
bosu: dan itu lbh ga enak dr friendzone!
bosu: ibaratnya kalo friendzone itu hening, pacaran satu arah itu hampa

bosu: geb
bosu: penting ini
bosu: the rain - gagal bersembunyi
bosu: oke itu aja

boje: lo ga bisa apa2 kecuali berdoa
boje: tau bingit gw
boje: berapa cewe yg udh curhat gini ke gw
boje: lo aja telat
gw: ciye
boje: bukan kayak lau
gw: wgwgwgwgwg

kawis: balik ke diri lo sendiri
kawis: mau tetep pengen rencana awal apa nda
kawis: mnrt gw yah geb, pendapat pribadi soal lo nih, lo tuh kreatif dan ga bisa diem
kawis: lo butuh jalur yg bs menyalurkan kekreatifan lo
kawis: intinya semua ada di dalam diri lo
kawis: kl boleh saran jg, ada baiknya mnt petuah orang tua
kawis: bagi gw nasehat ibu tuh luar biasa
gw: hmmm.....
gw: eye-opening dan heart-warming sekali sodara :'')

haiyah! so.... jadi... kalau mau diambil nasehatnya dan diterapkan dalam kehidupan se-hari", silakan. namun yah, demi keamanan bangsa dan negara biarlah mereka tetap tersamar wkwkwkwk ;p terima kasih kakak kakak!

31 Juli 2015

things i will miss when i quit france 'for good'

aih.. tak terasa tinggal sekitar dua bulan lagi aku di sini kaka~~ :'') sejujurnya ingin cepat cepat pulang, namun harus menyelesaikan tesis, nyamper seorang kakak yang semacam sudah kerabat, dan, entah jadi entah tidak, umroh beatles wkwkwkwk.

AAGGH PENGEN KE BALTICS! but you can't have everything kaakks.

JADI! hari ini gw akan menulis hal" yang akan gw rindukan dari prancis. yang, mungkin tetep ada di indonesia, tapi mungkin rasanya beda dan HARGANYA juga bakal bedak. yuk mari~

satu: abricots. atau apricots. itulah pokoknya. pertama kali kenal buah ini pas lagi panas"nya di pantai sama beberapa kenalan di komunitas "brest walk and talk." ada seorang yang nawarin buah ini dan.. aku jatuh cinta~ uguu~ kenapa gw suka? karena buah ini pas, ga manis ga asem. pas lah pokoknya! dan seger banget. buah ini cuma muncul di musim panas, jadi sekalinya muncul kemaren, gw kesenengan setengah mati! jadilah dari awal musim panas sampe sekarang gw makanin terus itu abricot wkwkwkwk.

yezzz abricotzzz yezzz

dua: prune. atau plum. ini juga buah super enak dan super seger! walau kadar airnya lebih tinggi dari abricot, yang bikin gw lebih susah buat makan, tapi buah ini juga menarik! ga manis dan ga asem. pas deh! gw sukanya yang ungu. ada juga yang ijo kekuningan atau kuning kehijauan, tapiiii kurang menarik hahaha.

tiga: olive oil. setahu saya minyak zaitun di indonesia itu mahalll -___- sementara di sini gw make zaitun untuk apa pun! kecuali deep fried karena sepertinya minyak ini emang terlalu 'sehat' dan ga didesain untuk goreng gorengan yang garing itu wkwkwk. bikin rendang? pake zaitun! tumis capcay? zaitun! aglio olio? ya zaitun lahhh menurut nganaaa -___-

empat: pain au chocolat! roti kesayangan iniiii luar biasaaa! teksturnya itu loh. dan coklatnya itu loh. gw sering beli yang 2.5 euro dapet 8, bahkan kadang 10. belinya di casino, dan itu harga kalo lagi diskon wkwk. harga normalnya 4-5 euroan kalo mau dapet 8-10 biji langsung. murah kan! iya murah, soalnya kalo beli satuan di bakery" ala paul, brioche doree, dll ini roti harganya jadi sekitar 0.90 s/d 2.00 euro satunya bahkan kadang lebih! tapi emang sih, kalo udah sering makan, berasa bgt bedanya pain au chocolat produksi massal sama produksi bakery. butter sama cokelatnya itu loh astaga. ga bisa boong!

pain au chocolat yuhuuu~

lima: yop cokelat! PARAAHHH MINUMAN INI ENAK BANGETTT!!! ini minuman coklat kentel tapi ga sekentel itu jadi masih bisa diminum glek glek ga mesti disendokin kayak desert. SUMPAH INI ENAK PAKEK BANGET ASELE!

sekian kira" kerinduan saya ahuy.. masih ada beberapa hal yang akan saya rindukan tapi sementara itu dulu ea qaqaaa~~

30 Juli 2015

kok ya saya senang

fakta pertama: ben n jerry's itu memang luar biasa. cuma sesuap dua suap rasanya udah banjir dosa. kalo ada es krim rasa dosa, ya ini nih! rasa yang kemaren dicoba dan bikin berasa banjir dosa: peanut butter cup. die.

fakta kedua: tesis gw ada pencerahan! huyeh! i FINALLY understand the MAIN PURPOSE of this thesis and HOW to reach it BWAHAHAHAHA :'') sebulan lagi ukhui!

fakta ketiga: OVJ never fails. kemaren gw stres, tadinya mo coba nontonin pelem" yang disaranin kawan" se-per-fb-an, namun malas nonton lama", jadi browsing OVJ dan AKAKAKAKKK matiketawa.

fakta keempat: spaghetti aglio olio gw makin enak! thanks to bumbu random oregano-basilic-dll knorr yang gw temukan akibat ga nemu oregano. gw rasa walau sedikit itu pasti ada msg-nya hmmm.

fakta kelima: menemukan cukup banyak lagu enak via spotify AHEI! ternyata ini sofwer ga sekedar buat lagu" g4vl ala ala 8tracks getoh namun ada yang lutu lutu ugakkk. try these ones: (1) paper moon versi akustik. aslinya ella fitzgerald, tapi gw nemu versi akustik siapaaa gitu yg cover. asiks! (2) be honest - jason mraz. mas ini emang lagunya enak" walau kadar bosannya tetap ada. nah ini mumpung nemu lagunya yang dulu belum saya tau dan ternyata enak kakaa~ (3) nobody knows me at all - the weepies. ini pernah ga sengaja nemu covernya di youtube. terus lagunya emang lucuk :3 uwuwuwuw~ (4) first choice - gabe bondoc. mamang ini lucu sekaliii! terus lagunya yang ini juga enak hihi. sayang ga nemu yang gentleman don't. huft. (5) yang ini khusus buat worshipers: a God like you - kirk franklin. ENYAAAK. how come ga pernah belajar ini pas glorify? mungkin krn lagunya terlalu 'enteng' buat bener" worship? aakakak

sekian teman teman. mari tetap berbahagia :D


29 Juli 2015

you know you're siblings when...

gw: minum kopi~ di resto~ran gede~
nino: salalalalala~
gw: lah! kok kamu tauk!

gw: andaaai~ dipisaah~~
nino: lauuut~ dan pantaii~
gw: lah! kok kamu tauk!

gw: and if.. he falls.. in loooove.. tonight..
nino: *huk
gw: it can bee.. assuuuummeeeddd..
nino: each every daaay.. with us, all the history..
bareng: in shooort our paaal~ is dooooooommmeed....
bareng: hwaaa~

ahuhuuuii~ (pulau seribu, kisaran 2011)

28 Juli 2015

mimpi dan rumah ke... sekian


oh lalaa~

aheuy! so you've noticed that i used bahasa as the title of this post. well this is because.. i'm going back to bahasa! yuhu!

jadi beberapa saat lalu pos" hyper annoying gw tertulis dalam bahasa inggeris. kenapah? latian buat ielts bok, karena ieltsnya udh beres dan hasilnya udh keluar (dan gw dapat menghembuskan napas lega: husyah!) i'm going back to bahasa! yuhu! #repeat

tapi ya kalo isinya campur" maap" yak. udah setengah bule saya, diterima aja #geplak

ah weeee.. jadi ceritanya adalah, gw ingin membahas tentang zodiak. kenapa zodiak? karena zodiak ini seujurnya menarik. kalau dulu waktu sd tuh ya, kan kita ga boleh tuuu percaya hal lain selain Tuhan, termasuk zodiak, karena mungkin para guru dan orang tua takut anak" yang masih cilik" ini lebih "menuhankan" zodiak mingguan yang ada di majalah" baik g*dis, k*w*nku, maupun h*i, dibanding Tuhannya sendiri. tapi kan kita udah gede nih ya, udah dewasa nih ya, gapapa lah kita lihat zodiak dari sudut pandang lain. sudut pandang pembanding. haiyah!

maksud saya begini. kita terbiasa dengan yang namanya personality test. tiap orang terlahir dengan personality yang berbeda-beda. dan jenisnya pun buanyak! ada yang dibagi jadi 16 (yang ENTP, INTJ, dst itu), ada yang cuma 9 (enneagram), ada yang paling mudah, jadi 4 (sanguinis dan teman"nya). inti dari pengelompokan diri ini kan sebenarnya satu: pencarian jati diri.

tapi gw sendiri tiap tes, hasilnya beda" tuh kak, tiap periode. artinya, diri gw berkembang donk. atau mungkin, kalau berkembang kesannya terlalu positif, ya setidaknya berubah. tidak statis.

nah, zodiak ini lucu. dia mengelompokkan sifat, percintaan, hingga peruntungan orang melalui tanggal lahirnya. okei, bagi kalian" yang anti zodiak bisa jadi langsung ngomong "hellooooo~ pergerakan bintang GAK ADA hubungannya sama pergerakan guwwvvhhee~" nah! tapi! coba kita pikir". bagaimana kalau ternyata zodiak ini diramu bukan dengan pemodelan ke depan, tapi justru dengan reverse engineering? #tetot!

reverse engineering bagaimana sih kakak maksudnyah?

ahem.

jadi begini. bisa aja kan, zodiak ini sebenernya dahulu dibuat oleh seorang peneliti humaniora yang kerjaan mensurvei watak manusia berawal dari kawan", tetangga, sanak famili, tetangganya sanak famili, meluas, meluas, dan meluas. terus hasil penelitian dia dirapiin sampek akhirnya dia menemukan satu tren di mana, misalnya, anak" yang kedapetan lahir antara akhir maret sampe akhir april ternyata sifatnya mirip. keras" aries kayak akyu gitchu~ nah, mungkin aja kan, karena anak ini lahir deket" april mop, misalnya, dia jadi kepala batu, ga percayaan, mau menang sendiri. yaiyalah, deket ulang tahun kerjaannya dikerjain/diboongin muluk!

terus terus, katakan, kalau aries itu zodiak pertama, pisces kan zodiak terakhir. nah, pisces ini kan lahirnya antara akhir februari sampe akhir maret. ada apa cobak tanggal" segitu? ga ada apa" yang konstan! terus terus, tambah lagi di situ ada yang namanya tanggal 29 februari yang cuma terjadi 4 tahun sekali. sedih banget kan, jadi anak kabisat? ulang tahun 4 tahun sekali? nah itu mungkin karenanya orang pisces ini sensitiiiiipppp pisaannn~ apa" dibawa ke hati. udah gitu jomplang dengan aries yang heboh wara wiri, pisces ini malasnya ya astagaaaa.

jadi! ilmu astrologi ini sebenarnya cukup menarik! ini gw cuma pake pendekatan kekinian yah, sepertinya sih astrologi udh nongol duluan sebelom april mop (gw nulis sekenanya, ga pake riset bahaha). tapi.... maksud gw dapet kan? ya bisa aja sebenernya astrologi ini ga semata pergerakan bintang, tapi memang ada unsur humanioranya juga gitu. soalnya sampai sekarang, ada beberapa zodiak yang sifatnya cukup gw hafal (ahem, terutama aries) dan ketika iseng ngelempar tanya "lo aries yah?" atau "lo zodiaknya apa sik?" gw bisa dengan gampang ngomong "oooooooohhh paaaannteeeeessss" dan kalo sama aries "LO ARIES BANGET SIK!" atau "ah! kalo dari dulu ketauan lo aries juga udah gw bully lo!"

dan ahem. kenapa mimpi dan rumah ketujuh? soalnya dulu gw ga sempet nonton filmnya. tapi soundtracknya enak". ya menurut loooo indra lesmana hellooo. dan cerita film itu adalah seseorang yang percaya banget sama yang namanya takhayul, terutama astrology signs ini wihihi.

ah jadi rindu mendengarnya..

23 Juli 2015

fixing up plans

"i'm an alien, i'm a legal alien. i'm an englishman in new york." - popularized by sting

well well, what a mess :')

i have not been writing anything except my life these days, so sorry for rambling about stuff that you would probably not care at all ;p but it's my blog haha!

when i told you about "fixing up plans," i wasn't telling you about how i fix plans as in, i am making those plans fixed for the upcoming future. what i meant was, i am fixing them. as in, some parts are broken, some parts are falling apart, so i need to fix them.

source

i never know why i have always had a big drive in my life. like, every step, i set a goal, even the cheesiest, most unimportant ones. and i really give my best to reach it, that well, sometimes, made me forgot about the greater power. well you know what i mean.

lately i've been living in between. you know, not being 'that good' anymore made me realize that, well, there will always be people who are better than you in this world and there is no point on competing anymore. yea yea i always told myself that "i am competing with my own self" but guess what, unconsciously i have always been competing to the people around me. not a 'rude' kind of competing, but it's more like "oh they have done this, what have i done" competing. you know, things that would make my self esteem drop waaaay low.

so i started to live a little bit, well, loosen up. get everything in a different pace, taking things slow, 'till at some point i realized, i was far behind. not behind people, but behind my "shoulda-coulda-wouldas." so instead of thinking straight, i did almost exactly what i've done back when i looked for a master's course: taking aaaanything that would be thrown at me as long as i would get that doctorate degree. like, anything. well, almost.

"we should not lower our expectations. like, we should not get used to that. because then we will always get the one that is located in the lowest layer of our expectation." - firmansyah a.k.a pimen, somewhere in 2012

so, after sprint-running in the direction of "any-frikkin-way," i have decided to, well, take things slower. not to stop, not to lower my expectation, but to fix the plans ahead. i mean, what i am having right now is actually the best scenario ever. both for the things that have past, things that are happening, and things that are going to happen.

lately i've been thinking that, well, God has always been building my character harder and harder everyday with His own way. i mean, He wanted me to be hurt, He wanted me to be confused, He wanted me to be panic. all those things, only to make me a stronger, better person. even though, well, i never really feel that "special" anymore. not after seeing, talking to, and witnessing all these talents that He has created to His people that i met. everyone has their own way to shine. yes the sun is bright. but there won't be the elegance of the night if the earth didn't turn its face off once in a while ;p

so, plans? yup, still got it. i would be dead without having any time tables in my life. like seriously. i've already planned the upcoming months from now on aaand i'm so excited! and yes, looking back to the former plans that have been crossed, both in my phone calendar or my daily book, has always been such a great pleasure ;p

oh, apart from the sun, you know those cute little stars? they might be bigger that the sun, you know.

02 Juli 2015


"pakailah diriku tuk genapi rencana-Mu
layakkan aku bernyanyi bagi-Mu
meski ku tak bisa terangi seluruh dunia
hanya bisa ku bernyanyi, ceritakan kasih-Mu"

- hendy goeltom, arpeggio choir

currently playing in my head over and over again.
i don't really know a lot of people in GKIMY, but i miss its ambience, i don't know why.

30 Juni 2015



when you dated your bestie, it's either you'll have him forever, or lose him forever.


"lupakanlah masa lalu dan ia yang telah pergi. bukanlah suatu tragedi jika kamu jatuh cinta lagi." - mr. sonjaya, dari dias

25 Juni 2015

only between us

i went to paris yesterday, another 5-hour-long journey multiplied by two, as it was a return journey. i have a lot to do these few weeks, and a lot of unexpected expenses. but, that's not the thing that i'm gonna share right now. thing is, during that 5-hour-long journey, i watched one film that i've had for quite a long time: joyful noise.

yay to gospel! (source)

yeap. i know that the story line is freakin' corny. a lot of unimportant stuff and so on. but what made me enjoy this film the most is, of course, the music!

musical has been such a great guilty pleasure of mine. starting from the lion king (well we could say that almost every disney movies are musicals, right), then sister act, then glee, and i even accidentally found rocky horror picture show and i looooooooove it ;p musicals are always great! as long as the songs are nice ;p

i missed musicals then i found this movie. i've just had the time, and the will to watch it two days ago. and-it-was-great. gospel music has always been the best way for me to connect to Him. when i sing gospel, it feels different. it feels like my heart is singing, not only my mouth. i could even have a good cry through a song when i feel so helpless and weak. that's just how i communicate with my Lord.

then through this musical, too, i could reconnect. well, i do pray everyday, at least every morning and everytime i wanna go to sleep - well, there were times when i just forgot, not gonna lie ;p - but still, the feeling is different. i suddenly miss, again, GTLE. i need to have that kind of community, but it seems that, it's not the best plan for now. europe is such an empty house. i mean. sure, they have big beautiful churches and all. but they're mostly empty. the people chose to believe in themselves rather than in God. well, at least here in france.

well, one of the 'goal' in my life was to attend this kind of church. like, the churches where (i'm sorry for using these words) black people go. where they can really sing and praise the Lord with their own way and i believe i could easily connect with them. too bad i haven't find this kind of church here. the closest was hillsong, but that's just different. i can't connect. not at all. i reeaaallly want to experience the feeling i once had in GTLE.

i know that our relationship with God should be something that, only us and God Himself know. but having a community that could 'connect' to God the same way as we do feels different. it sounds a bit selfish and all but, i'm a human after all. i'm not perfect, i would never be perfect, and i always need someone to hold on to.

who else would it be if it's not to Him?


23 Juni 2015

pauses are important


hit me! (source)

last week, i sorta...... hit the pause button in my life ;p

kinda regret all the time i hit it repeatedly. like, repeatedly. "tomorrow i'm gonna....." then "EEEK!" nothing. continued: "tomorrow it is! tomorrow!" then "EEEKK!" again.

but now i've unpaused and i feel.... GREAT! like super great.

i can see clearer, i can think clearer, i'm ready to face anything! huhah!

and i don't get tired easily. well, at least till now ;p

so, lesson learned: pauses are great. and important. never force yourself too much or else, you'd lose your concentration. even motivation. as long as you still have goals to reach and you believe that you could still make it, then go for it, hit the pause button! same thing in exercises. as i told you i kinda got used to exercising these past few months and now i know exactly how to listen to my body, when to pause and when to go on. and everytime i wanna give up, i just hit pause, take some breath, maybe have half a cup of water, then i can feel my body again and i don't feel 'that' tired anymore!

hmm. maybe that's why people insists of having a coffee break every now and then. in my school, we used to have two pauses before lunch and two pauses after lunch. not long, only about 5-15 minutes each. and when i say insisted, i mean, INSISTED. sometimes we have guest lecturers that don't really accustomed to our pace, so they actually forgot to give us pauses or didn't even know that we have pauses. and yup. there's always a class mate who raises his/her hand only to say "can we do pause? it's the time."

oh, and by the way. i really want this:

LEEETT'SS DOO THE TIIIMEE WAARPP AGAAAAIINN!!! (source)

but fffft doesn't worth the price.

phew. so! i'm quite happy right now. hopefully i'd be as happy, or even happier by the end of the week. wish me luck!

21 Juni 2015

soon and soon enough (source)

faire au moins mille fois qu'on a, bouffé nos doigts ! - stromae

20 Juni 2015

lolololololololl~ hahahaha~


this just happened, agh!

and this too :')

i miss these people like crazy! lol. at first i wanted to talk about a 'serious' quarter life crisis problem with eja, but then came ian, but then came daus, but then came MAYA, but then came ibe, but then came abet, so we ended up talkin' sh*t, as we used to, and i regret nothing :''

LOOK AT MAYA'S SCREEN! IT'S UPSIDE DOWN FOR WHATEVER REASON!

et voila voila. tomorrow i'm watching this (hopefully) stupid comedy:

from the creators of the "flight of the concords!"

recommended by kakak diandra arinitahhh. let's see if i would have another good laugh or just a "meh" laugh. thanks you guys!

18 Juni 2015

a friend's post

have just accidentally tumbled down to a friend's blog: http://rezaachmadabas.com/

reading the last post..... i'm not willing to waste any single bit of time to let you know that "that-is-exactly-how-i-feel."

i miss my people. i miss that old orange building, not the new one. i miss.... everything.

but as eja had said: we are all grown up.

we are now climbing our own stairways. making our best to reach the top. but still. this heart screams for companion. it screams for a good laugh. for unconditional love we've had once. i just... miss it.

well. i believe someday we'll meet each other again. i have plans in my head, waiting its proper time to be realized. it would be extremely great if i could really do it with my people. if not... well.. time will tell :')

(source)

ps: i won't need to spell out your names, but anyone who are also screaming my name while reading this, yes, i miss you too.

i'm gonna sing in a friend's wedding!

and it's gonna be in 10 days! yuhu! i'm sooo excited!

marriage, ahey~ (source)

so about her. she's indonesian. she's gonna marry a french guy, and her father will come here on her wedding. i met her accidentally back in 2013. it's gonna be an intimate marriage in a small church a bit outside of the city. the church is stunning. it represents 'breton' church. breton itself means, something from brittany (my region in france), like when we say 'javanese' for a house that has the characteristics of java. there will only be 50-60 people in the marriage, typical european marriage with only small amount of people.

and i'm gonna sing! my malagasy (madagascar) friend will play the piano ;p we have only just rehearse twice! lol.

then we (me and my malagasy friend) talked about indonesia and madagascar, how we related centuries ago because there are two indonesian songs on the list. when he tried to remember the song he sang "pujilaah.." with a really accentuated "j" just like the javanese! so we talked about the origin of our languages. after that, i told him about my first year internship in the netherlands and how i met lots and lots of indonesian there. also, there are indonesian food all over the country.

me: well, apparently it's because we were colonized by the dutch.
dadou: oh, it was dutch who colonized you. so what do you speak in indonesia?
me: indonesian. i think that only my grandparents' generation who still know how to speak dutch.
dadou: really? but how long have you been decolonized?
me: about.. umm.. almost 70 years now?
dadou: that's not a really long time ago. we were decolonized by france about 55 years ago and we still speak french! even more than we speak malagasy.
me: well.. it's kind of complicated for us. it was the dutch who first colonized us, then came the british, then came the japanese. and then japan was defeated by the end of world war two in 1945, and that was the time for us to get our independence! shortly we had our independence so when the dutch came back to indonesia, we could already say "umm, sorry. we're a free country now."
dadou: ..ok that's really complex. it's like you've been colonized by the whole world.
me: yeah i know.. and we were 'educated' to.... 'hate' the people who have colonized us? so that's why we speak no dutch nor japanese. as for english, i believe that we speak english because of the globalization, not because we were colonized by the british once. they stayed in indonesia only for.. i don't know.. one and a half year?

aaaand we spoke about how 'we' were 'one country' once, in the epoch of majapahit. i believe that this kingdom reached madagascar at some point and there are people from java who went there. madagascar, i mean. that might be how we related, because it's not uncommon for me to have someone greeting me in malagasy because my face resembles their faces. a lot.

this is mialisoa! a daughter of a malagasy couple that i happen to know.
her face looks a lot like my face when i was little! (alodia, 2013)

so, it's a small world after all ;p oh, and i also told him how i met lots and lots and lots of surinamese in the netherlands because they were also colonized by the dutch, and they still speak dutch. in fact, the surinamese resembles the malagasy! but they don't really resemble indonesians. maybe because it's already too far away from indonesia while madagascar is actually in the middle.

it's really cool to talk about history and origins! moreover i am in the middle of reading pramoedya's third book of his famous tetralogy. it's in the era of organizing people of the east hindia to fight the dutch in the early 1900s so i talked about this independence thing with my whole heart ;p hfff.. i love my country too much..

15 Juni 2015

last weekend, again, i was not home

it's not every time that i could have documentations of my involvement in cultural events here in france. last weekend i went to lyon to support PPI Lyon in the 'fête de bannières' event and it was quite fulfilling. cultural events are definitely the time for me to practice my french because, i don't know, my confidence level just kind of boosted when it came to explaining things about my sweet sweet home country ;p there were only three of us in the stand, since most of the students were participating in the defilee, and our little stand was pretty busy!

we had three stuff to offer: traditional food, taking photos with minang clothes, and angklung workshops! i did about.. 4 or 5 workshops that day? i don't know. it's always amazing how people would respond to this instrument. some of them were like "wow cute!" some of them were like "oh, ok" and there are always people who would like to buy the instrument ;p

oh, and those three stuff were absolutely free of charge so our little stand by the corner of the quarter was almost always full! i felt kind of bad when i went from one 'costumer' to another since they reaaally like to talk and i reaaaally want to talk with them a bit more, because the people i met were almost always interesting!

indonesian stand wherever it is: coming earliest yet the last one who left

there was this spanish lady, in her late 50s i guess, she told me that her son was married to an indonesian and they are now staying in indonesia. her daughter-in-law named jenny and she asked me "is jenny a common name in indonesia?" and i told her "actually, we have a lot of name roots in indonesia. for example me, my name is gabriella" and she was like "wow, gabriella?! it's spanish!! me myself i'm spanish but my name is olga, a russian name!" then we talked a bit more and she was very happy with our short conversation and when she realized there was still a line behind her she was like "it's really nice to talk to you, you're really sweet. have a really nice day."

also there was an indian man, in his late 20s i guess, he asked me if i could speak english and i said "sure" and he told me about his trip to indonesia. he went to java, specifically to go to mount bromo and mount ijen and i told him "you're really lucky, i've never even been there!" and of course, he went to bali. there were also people who could speak "selamat siang," "terima kasih," and "sampai jumpa" that always made me wanna cry ;p and people asking about indonesia's tourism and i answered them passionately! you have to go here, and here, and here, umm sorry, how much time would you have? a week? that's not enough! ;p

so yup. i became an 'ambassador' without even realizing. i really hope the people enjoyed their time in our little stand, taking pictures with lots of excitement - every time a girl wants to take a picture with our costumes and her boyfriend/brozoned friend was about to take her picture, i always told them "we have costumes for boys too!" the girl would be like "WEAR IT!" and voila! - eating our delicious 'martabak telor' and 'sarang semut,' and yup, playing our musical instrument. i'm going to miss this kind of work. hopefully i would still have the chance to do this in the near future :')



as you can see the stand was cleared out, but the people were still excited to play! thanks PPI Lyon and KBRI for your trust!
(all photos were taken by reyner, 2015)

09 Juni 2015

ooh la la~


kalo lempeng mah namanya turunan, bukan tanjakan ;p (alodia, 2015)

c'est compliqué ce truc de PhD ! :'')

but so far i enjoy it. hahaha. i'm gonna share something that i found today. this is one thing that keeps my mind sane through these days. and i can relate to this, both literally and figuratively.

In his book The Hidden Brain, science writer Shankar Vedantam describes the day he went for a leisurely swim. The water was calm and clear, and he felt strong and proud for covering a long distance so easily. He decided to swim out of the bay and into open water. But when he tried to return he couldn’t make any progress. He had been deceived by the current. The ease of swimming had not been due to his strength but to the movement of the water.

In our relationship with God something similar can happen. “Going with the flow” can lead us to believe we’re stronger than we are. When life is easy, our minds tell us that it’s due to our own strength. We become proud and self-confident. But when trouble hits, we realize how little strength we have and how helpless we are.

cool, huh? i do know how it feels like swimming easily thanks to the current and getting back with much more effort when the tide is falling. point is, try not to swim on beaches that have big tidal coefficient number. 2-3 meters is ok. but 5-7 meters? you'd better look for another beach or wait for the neap tide. uyeay.

sometimes..

when it's meant to be.. it just meant to be..

this search of phd is kind of funny. i'll let you know more about it around next week. thing is, the only person that you can't definitely lie to is, your own self ;p asyem.

central atlantic seafloor. oh la la la la la la la la la la la~ (source)

but i'm gonna update you about those five targets that i made for the end of may!

1. spherical harmonics. i left it at 10/20 intentionally. it's not this stuff that i need to understand the most. i only need to know a glimpse of it an voila.
2. signal processing. same thing. left it at 5/20 intentionally. a glimpse is enough.
3. phd. yup, i aplied to 11 projects already. well, 12 actually. have been refused by 3, almost 4 ;p and i'm in between two, to be honest. well. at least i've got 20/20 on this target ;)
4. fat loss. i now reach 58 kg instead of the 57 kg target, wuhu! not bad, considering my eatings right now. being healthy kind of made me poor ;p because instead of buying cheap cookies and chips as snacks, i buy fruits instead. and yes they're not cheap. i even consider a lot when i need to buy proteins. it's been two weeks since i bought meat bahaha. vive les oeufs ! so 10/20 hahaha.
5. selasar kebudayaan. done done done. it was kind of disappointing but... i'm not gonna make the 'second' one. no use whatsoever. considering that it's done, 20/20.

so.... my final point is...... 65! bahahaha. yup, getting good grades IS that hard.

and if you're asking, why the hell do i want to lose fat? two reasons. reason number one: bikini! lol. this is crazy but i made a promise to one friend that: we HAVE to be CONFIDENT to wear a pair of bikini THIS SUMMER! after we finish our master thesis of course ;p reason number two: just for the sake of competing with myself. i have told you before that, the only person that i need to beat every now and then, is my own self. having this kind of 'fat loss' program makes me have this kind of motivation and it made me want to think about my health, since i will be working a lot sitting in front of the computer for the rest of my life. this is the time to invest on my health!

anyway, my eyes hurt, and i always forget to bring the sunglasses. i hope the sun would last this summer, so i won't need to bring any kinds of jacket to work.

OKAY, MORE TARGETS! this is for june!

1. REAAALLY UNDERSTAND the compensation modes on the global geoid models. this made me feel kind of stupid to be honest, cause it's simple, but when it came to coding, well, not that simple. afterwards, start making the general table of content of the report. aw yeay.
2. wavelet analysis. this is going to be tough. i need to understand this by the end of june. hopefully hopefully hopefully!
3. make a decision on phds. i told you before that i am currently in between.
4. finish my CAF documents. it's a document for the french government that i have delayed for almost 6 months now due to my tight schedule. the office is only open monday to friday, 09.00 - 16.00 so come on, seriously? but i need to finish them all before the end of july. so end of june would be better.
5. finally, do routine exercises every week! the target won't be the weight now, i guess i'll be ok when i reach 57, but then it's the 'sculpting' that matters hahaha ;p i'm talking like a crazy person right now.

so yuhu! good luck this summer!

04 Juni 2015

my life is a race

call me guilty but i love it ;p

run forrest, run! (source)

"when you're having a race, it's not the people in your left nor right tracks that you're going to beat. it's your own best time." (fakhry, professional swimmer since God knows when)

31 Mei 2015

crazy talk with crazy traveler


didn't even know that i would experience this kind of view (alodia, 2015)

so first thing first!

i've just had some talk with a friend of mine who happens to be a traveler. or i could simply put that, she couldn't stand being in the same place for too much time ;p aaand we happened to know each other via blogging, so we never see each other, ever!

to put it simple, this is what we talked about: after graduating, what would we do?

she was also born in 1991, so we could say that.. well.. we're more or less in the same page. i told her that i would take a phd as soon as i graduated buuut she told me that she was gonna take a gap year.

a gap year.

exactly what i thought last year.

but but but but a year? isn't it gonna be a loooong way to go? won't we lose our time then?

she simply put that "we'll have all the time in the world to make money, make a career, make a family, and so on and so on, but we'll never have this much energy, and eventually, resource, in our live! this is our time!" and yes. hubbub. hubbub hubbub hubbub. in my head.

so i was thinking...... should i take a gap year? should i? i mean it is possible that i would meet people who would lead me to a great phd. i mean, i do have the time right?

and..... of course i did the calculation. i am now 24, if i continue my study directly, i'll have a phd at 27, or 28. after that i might take some postdoc contracts so, 30? 32? then go back to indonesia. done. life is done that way.

and IFFFF i happened to be accepted in my institute, i would hmmm.. work. till i reach 60. or 65. so 30 years of my life will be spent working. well, and making family, hopefully ;p

i mean i'll have kids at what, 30s? then my kids would grow up, go to school, go to college, bla bla bla, then i'll turn 50. i mean, that 20 years will be spent for these children also. hmm.

i talked too much ;p so... i don't know.. should i do gap year? i mean, i don't even know how i'll make any money yet during the gap year, but there might be possibilities though. you know, to do side jobs that are unimportant like, serving in restaurants, or stuff. after that, i could always take a phd.

but but but but i don't know. should i work?

asem kamu vio ;p

one thing for sure, traveling makes me happy. that's the one thing that makes me happy the most. it's a well blend between loneliness and companionship. it's cool. it made me have time for myself, it made me meet people, it made me find cool books on the way. i don't know. it's just.... fulfilling. maybe i should just.. simply work at/make a travel agent ;p

30 Mei 2015

barbie's head is dizzy


adu pusying pala berbi pala berbi o.. o ouww.. (source)

ok. so far i have applied to 5 institutions and 11 projects. aaaand have been refused by 2 supervisors. it's not that big of a deal actually, but i've just realized that... i started out late!

yes, most of the projects would only be started by october, but there are already a lot of projects that opened their applications by january soooo.. i am seriously late.

up to now, there are two projects that i am totally interested in. one in southampton and one in tasmania. as for the others, i do have interest, but not as biiggg as on these two projects.

but but but. what will i do if i didn't got any projects?

simply: go home :'')

if i didn't got any potential project by the end of june. well. babay france akakakakak~ because i would have to renew my residence permit, and i think i'm not really interested in making a "job seeker" permit. i would rather spend my time in indonesia where everything is cheaper ;p in plus, i could spend some time with my family.

but but but for how long?

i don't know :''')

i might need to apply to some jobs by the beginning of july. i might need to consider applying to fugro indonesia HAHAHAHA :'') oorrrr wherever it is to keep my stomach filled for at least a year. i think i need to skip indonesia mengajar because i-will-frikkin-need-internet-to-apply-to-this-and-that.

it's..... not gonna be that enjoyable of a ride? or maybe i could spend some time to do other things? i don't know. let's just see what the end of june would say.

27 Mei 2015

SERIOUSLY, IELTS?!

Y U SO XPENSIVVVV?!

so as per this afternoon i have just realized one thing that is certainly NOT interesting AT ALL. taking IELTS here, compared to if you take it in indonesia, will cost you a fortune. by fortune i mean, FORTUNE.

as long as i remember, i paid like, 195 euros to do IELTS in indonesia. as far as i remember. here, for the academic one, it's normal. 210 euros. okay, two years. it is enough for that kind of inflation. BUT BUT BUT BUT, if you want to study in the UK, you'll need to take the UKVI version of the test, which is an abbrevation of UK Visa and Imigration, which costs, only, 270 EUROS! in plus, i HAVE to do it in PARIS, which means ANOTHER EXPENSES. come on guys, it's just a freakin' paper that i might only use for like, some months. WHY do i have to renew it every two years?! TWO FRIKKIN YEARS?!

thanks france. or uk. or whoever you are who wanna rip myself off. lol.

ok anyhow, update!

yuhuuuw! salam dari cinque terre, italia (alodia, 2015)

so! remember about the five "promises" that i made? it's not the beginning of june YET, but i'll update anyway. i still have (a bit of) time to accomplish them. i'll give scores, 20 is the maximum on each goal. huyeh!

ONE. spherical harmonics. i'm on the right track and i still have time to really understand the concept. it's becoming clearer and clearer. hopefully. so, score. hmmm.. 10/20

TWO. signal processing. i'm still kind of stuck on the matter of converting frequential domain to its wavelength domain. yes, don't talk to me about the concept. i know that it's the reverse of the frequential domain, so it's going to be divided as much N as the frequential domain has, but what's the scaling factor? if i processed a geoid signal, are we going to play with the speed of the wave just like in acoustics and lights? and i haven't found a single book/online tutorials that is specially dedicated to this conversion problem. somebody help :( score, 5/20 hahaha

THREE. phd projects. so far i have applied to seven projects, and have been refused by one, lol. hmm. actually this is the main reason of why i need that freakin' expensive language test. fffftt. why God, why? 14/20, since it is equal to 7/10, yuhu!

FOUR. there's NO WAY i could reach 57 kg mwahahaha! it's too stressful and i eat more when i'm stressed out!! :'') 0/20

FIVE. selasar kebudayaan. the Illegal, Unreported, and Unregulated Fishing one will be held this saturday #bestofluck! BUT the "Tol Laut" one... ergghhh umm.. let's just pray and work hard on that. 10/20

and the total iiiiisss..... 32/100 HAHAHAHAHAHA crazy lady!

okay, since number four is NEVER GONNA HAPPEN, let's say that it's actually 32/80. still, doesn't even pass 50/100 hhaha.

but anyhow, i tried really hard to accomplish them all. well, except for number four to be honest ;p

see ya later dudes!

14 Mei 2015

throwing away old shoes


saat sepatu kiri udah mangap, apa lagi yang bisa dilakukan sepatu kanan selain ikut pensiun (alodia, 2015)

huftness. so. i'm throwing away my shoes.......... hopefully in a short period of time. i just can't take it!!!

yep. i know. this is crazy but these shoes are.... well.. special. mwahahahaha.

i don't know how to put this but, i once made a 'vision' of things i'm gonna buy when i make my own money. this pair of shoes..... is one of them.

then in 2011, i finally told myself that i NEED to buy a pair of sport shoes. i'm not a sporty girl, i kind of avoid doing sports since i always have the perfect excuse: i do not own a pair of decent sport shoes! well, 2011 i kind of went out a lot with a close friend who happen to be a 'sport freak.' so okay, that was the perfect time for me to spend my minimum earning to something that would last and of course, motivate me to do some sport. at least running.

so we were like looking for the perfect pair. i was aiming for reebok though, but nothing really excited me and there was this pair of.... nike? adidas? i totally forgot, which was extremely comfy and it was 50% off, but they didn't have my size!

and yup. this fila pair suited me well. they're super comfortable, even 'till now. well, to be honest, i did not use these shoes that much lol. but at least everytime i want to do a little sport, i have the pair. even my mom said that they were super comfortable that she wanted to take it away from me (and of course i said: NOOOO!!)

so.. what have i went through with this pair of shoes? well, firstly, i used them to run in Saraga ;p i don't think i wear them a lot in 2011, as i did not have much time to do sport. or well, i wasn't that interested to do sport ;p 2012 also, not much of sport. but by the end of that year, i used them to my pilgrimage to the holy land. sponsored by my uncle ;) and 2013, i brought them to france, just in case i need to do some sport. i also brought them to the netherlands on my internship in 2014. i didn't do any sport back then, but i used them to travel a bit. shortly, 2013-2014 i might have used them to some of my travels. i don't really remember the details.

2015, i started to do some sports! finally! but yup. the time that i realized that the left one 'is not working anymore' was last weekend, in Ouessant. i was... really sad, hahahaha. seriously, i was heart broken. i have never felt this emotional with a pair of shoes before, even if i bought it on my own. honestly, i was kind of staring at those shoes at the corner of my apartment while writing this post ;p i don't wanna lose them!

but.. well.. i would have to throw them away one day. they're just shoes anyway. they won't last. it's been a great 4 years, and i need to move on with a new pair. i already bought a pair of cheap sports shoes only to maintain my pace of exercise and to support my upcoming travel. i'll wait patiently for the 'sale' season to find another comfy shoes...

....or i could just stick out to this cheap pair. we'll see ;p

13 Mei 2015

running in a fast pace sometimes made you to miss out the details.

i'm not really sure of what i'm doing right now, but i totally hope that it's gonna be worth it.

i've been praying a bit more lately. hmm. maybe that's why i don't really take anything too seriously anymore. i could just flow.

but to be honest, the 'flowing' behaviour kinda scares me hahaha.

i think i need someone to share my goal with. you know. just to make sure that i'm still in the right pace. cos being the only one that motivates myself is a bit frustrating. and of course. exhausting. ;p

12 Mei 2015

in need of targets!

ok. so far, i've been doing..... a lot of things. most of them are new, some of them are.... not that new hahaha. i've started to realize that some of my friends have taken their lives seriously, whether by getting married, investing in a startup company, establishing a really cool foundation, publishing papers, that made me question my own life: what am i doing? ;p

i was scared of not working hard enough, but hey. i've been doing things like traveling to places, buying cool gears that i have dreamed of since highschool (i now have a freakin' TENT!), reading a lot of books, getting back to the 'real' earth sciences. i couldn't say that those things are small, i put a lot of efforts on them to come true. well, maybe they're just not as big as those done by these cool people.

SO! in the spirit of getting better and better, in this extremely short month of may (i don't know why but i feel like this is gonna be the shortest may ever), by the end of this month, i'm gonna reach these few goals:

ONE. understand the concept of spherical harmonics. i haven't been in touch with 'real' geodesy stuff so this thing is like, totally new to me and I NEED TO GET MY HEAD ON IT.

TWO. understand the 'true' concept of signal processing. the 'true' one, from a book. yes i have internet as a source but, come on. if you really get this thing done, life will be easier. promise!

THREE. apply to at least 10 phd projects. clock is ticking and i have procrastinated a lot on this thing. i know i fell in love with one subject, and i reaaallllyy want to be accepted on that project. problem: it's been a month since i applied to the project and i've not heard an answer/continuation. yet. since it's already like, the mid-may, i need other plans. the one i fell in love with is located in IPG Paris. so far i'm also interested to one project in tasmania and kind of thinking a lot on a project in brussels. i need to find a lot more projects to apply to.

FOUR. reach 57 kg mwahahahaha ;p this is silly but, i've been working out lately! bahahaha.

FIVE. get everything done for "selasar kebudayaan" on 23rd and 24th of may: OMG I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZED THAT I ONLY HAVE 11 DAYS THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!

okay i guess that's it. i'm kind of crazy by the way. i'm tired. but i think i'm quite happy hahaha.

best camp site ever (ridoy, 2015)

"by the end of this month" means that... i only have 19 days to reach them LOL. i'll give you the update by the first week of june!

ps: oh, and by the way, don't hesitate to visit http://selasar.ppifrance.fr/ this is one of the new things that i've been doing lately. we still have about 4 sessions to go. see ya!

01 Mei 2015

posisi poisisi dan posisi

beberapa hari yang lalu gw abis berantem sama seseorang yang, yah, dulunya kerabat dekat gw #haiyah! namun kini kami begitu berbeda #haiyah!

dari dulu sebenarnya gw tau kalau kami bersilangan pandang. mungkin karena udah lama ga ketemu juga kali yah, sehingga perbedaan sudut pandang itu semakin nyata. selain itu memang pada dasarnya kami tumbuh dari keluarga berbeda, bergaul di lingkungan yang berbeda, dan jarak membuat kami tidak dapat lagi saling mempengaruhi satu sama lain hahaha.

berantem apa sih?

ya ga berantem juga. bisa dibilang adu pendapat.

ya tapi tentang apa, cyin?

banyak coi. seperti biasa, yang selalu memancing gw untuk maju jalan adalah:

"ya lo kan cewe, gab. ga perlu mikir cari uang buat makan, beli rumah." dan lalala~

yak. makasih loh udah brought that up. lagi. masuklah kami dalam perdebatan panjang dari soal laki" yang, menurut dia, "wajib" cari uang dan lalalala terus wanita yang, menurut dia lagi, "wajib" lebih dekat sama anak". jadi bobot cowo di cari uang lebih besar dari wanita, bobot wanita di tumbuh-kembang anak lebih besari dari lelaki.

karena stand-point gw jelas, berantem lah kita soal ini. singkatnya gw bersilangan pendapat dengan dia karena, menurut gw, sudut pandang yang dia kasih itu (kalo bahasa kerennya, gw tau dari hasil selasar kebudayaan ppi prancis yang saik itu hahaha) merupakan hasil dari konstruksi sosial masyarakat sejak dulu. sedihnya, menurut gw seharusnya dia lebih dewasa menghadapi isu tersebut karena menurut gw lagi, orang yang gw ajak ribut ini punya tingkat pendidikan yang memadai.

dari situ tetiba dia nyinggung:

"jangan-jangan lo udah nyamain hubungan beda jenis dengan sesama jenis lagi?"

lah. kenapa jadi ke sana? gw pun bilang "please jangan ke sana karena gw belom punya stand point untuk hal itu." dan dia dengan sangat nyata bilang "enggak" terhadap isu itu namun dengan bahasa yang bikin gw pengen getok dan berkata dalam hati: "kenapa sih lo kaku banget?" ya gimana. toh gw bukan mendukung, hanya tidak menolak, karena gw memang masih belum banyak baca mengenai isu tersebut baik dari alkitab maupun buku" lain. jadi, y seperti yang gw nyatakan pada dia aja: "why not?" kenapa kacang? ;p

setelah ngobral ngobrol sana sini, kami kembali ke kehidupan masing" tanpa saling mengganggu. obrolan ini kalo ga salah terjadi setelah hukuman mati dijatuhkan pada terpidana narkoba di indonesia, yang menyebabkan semua orang tiba" jadi ahli hukum di facebook. terus lagi sebelumnya ada ribut" kan di pemilihan presiden bahkan pasca pemilihan presiden. dan banyak lagi orang ribut karena ini merupakan era di mana pendapat bisa disampaikan kapan saja, tentang apa saja.

sekarang pertanyaannya: apa iya di setiap kasus kita mesti punya stand-point yang jelas?

gw sendiri sekarang, orangnya cenderung netral. terlalu netral malah. kenapa? karena untuk memiliki stand-point yang jelas, perlu energi dan waktu lebih untuk menyelami kasus" tersebut. untuk peran lelaki-wanita dalam rumah tangga, stand-point gw jelas karena sample gw banyak berasal dari pengalaman gw sendiri di keluarga dan kerabat" terdekat gw. dan tanpa sengaja aja memang buku" yang gw baca itu, kebanyakan ditulis oleh orang" yang arahnya lebih ke feminis. tambah lagi, ga seorang dua orang yang memaparkan fakta betapa "dikesampingkannya" wanita akibat konstruksi sosial yang sengaja-ga sengaja kebangun ini. jadi, stand-point gw punya dasar yang jelas.

lah kalo soal LGBT? hukuman mati bagi WNA pengedar narkoba yang ternyata ditangkepnya udah dari 2005? kemajuan/kemunduran pemerintahan pasca SBY? itu kan gw mesti baca banyak sekali buku/sumber online yang bahkan harus gw pertanyakan keabsahannya. itu siapa yang nulis. terbit kapan. dan lagi, hal itu ga langsung terjadi di sekitar gw. sampe sekarang gw ga punya kerabat dekat yang, simply, openly gay. gw juga ga ada kerabat dekat yang pemakai, atau pengedar, atau bahkan penegak hukum yang kekuasaannya cukup tinggi. dan ga ada kerabat dekat yang masuk dalam pemerintahan pasca, bahkan saat dan pra pemerintahan om SBY.

intinya apa?

menurut gw. ga semua kasus kita mesti punya posisi lah. i mean, come on. kerjain aja tesis lo. kerjain aja tugas" dari bos lo. kumpulin aja itu duit buat jalan". selama kita ga punya waktu lebih untuk mencari sumber bacaan, jadi netral lah. posisi netral itu penting lho. ga semua orang bisa lihat kekurangan dan kelebihan dari dua stand-point berbeda.

jadi kalo ada orang nanya stand-point gw terhadap beberapa kasus, gw hanya bisa bilang, gw tidak mendukung, hanya tidak menolak. weheheh ;p

ps: kalo pengen ikutan ngobrol bersama orang" yang lebih pakar di beberapa isu dan ikut berdiskusi, ikutan selasar kebudayaan ppi prancis aja! tema menyusul: (1) pergerakan kemahasiswaan '98 dalam konteks dahulu dan kekinian, (2) illegal, unreported, and unregulated fishing di indonesia, (3) efektivitas pembangunan tol laut di indonesia, dan (4) kesiapan indonesia dalam menghadapi ASEAN Community 2015. follow di: http://selasar.ppifrance.fr/

pps: dan ternyata yang bikin lagunya syahrini "seperti itu?" yang tempo hari gw pos adalah.... MELLY GOESLAW!! jejeng!! pantesan itu lagu punya efek nagih ga kayak lagu" syahrini sebelumnya! AAAKKHHH kangen jugak gw sama karya"nya melly goeslaw bahaha. gapapa dech mba make syahrini utk karya terbarunya gapapa gapapa.
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