31 Mei 2015

crazy talk with crazy traveler

didn't even know that i would experience this kind of view (alodia, 2015)

so first thing first!

i've just had some talk with a friend of mine who happens to be a traveler. or i could simply put that, she couldn't stand being in the same place for too much time ;p aaand we happened to know each other via blogging, so we never see each other, ever!

to put it simple, this is what we talked about: after graduating, what would we do?

she was also born in 1991, so we could say that.. well.. we're more or less in the same page. i told her that i would take a phd as soon as i graduated buuut she told me that she was gonna take a gap year.

a gap year.

exactly what i thought last year.

but but but but a year? isn't it gonna be a loooong way to go? won't we lose our time then?

she simply put that "we'll have all the time in the world to make money, make a career, make a family, and so on and so on, but we'll never have this much energy, and eventually, resource, in our live! this is our time!" and yes. hubbub. hubbub hubbub hubbub. in my head.

so i was thinking...... should i take a gap year? should i? i mean it is possible that i would meet people who would lead me to a great phd. i mean, i do have the time right?

and..... of course i did the calculation. i am now 24, if i continue my study directly, i'll have a phd at 27, or 28. after that i might take some postdoc contracts so, 30? 32? then go back to indonesia. done. life is done that way.

and IFFFF i happened to be accepted in my institute, i would hmmm.. work. till i reach 60. or 65. so 30 years of my life will be spent working. well, and making family, hopefully ;p

i mean i'll have kids at what, 30s? then my kids would grow up, go to school, go to college, bla bla bla, then i'll turn 50. i mean, that 20 years will be spent for these children also. hmm.

i talked too much ;p so... i don't know.. should i do gap year? i mean, i don't even know how i'll make any money yet during the gap year, but there might be possibilities though. you know, to do side jobs that are unimportant like, serving in restaurants, or stuff. after that, i could always take a phd.

but but but but i don't know. should i work?

asem kamu vio ;p

one thing for sure, traveling makes me happy. that's the one thing that makes me happy the most. it's a well blend between loneliness and companionship. it's cool. it made me have time for myself, it made me meet people, it made me find cool books on the way. i don't know. it's just.... fulfilling. maybe i should just.. simply work at/make a travel agent ;p

30 Mei 2015

barbie's head is dizzy

adu pusying pala berbi pala berbi o.. o ouww.. (source)

ok. so far i have applied to 5 institutions and 11 projects. aaaand have been refused by 2 supervisors. it's not that big of a deal actually, but i've just realized that... i started out late!

yes, most of the projects would only be started by october, but there are already a lot of projects that opened their applications by january soooo.. i am seriously late.

up to now, there are two projects that i am totally interested in. one in southampton and one in tasmania. as for the others, i do have interest, but not as biiggg as on these two projects.

but but but. what will i do if i didn't got any projects?

simply: go home :'')

if i didn't got any potential project by the end of june. well. babay france akakakakak~ because i would have to renew my residence permit, and i think i'm not really interested in making a "job seeker" permit. i would rather spend my time in indonesia where everything is cheaper ;p in plus, i could spend some time with my family.

but but but for how long?

i don't know :''')

i might need to apply to some jobs by the beginning of july. i might need to consider applying to fugro indonesia HAHAHAHA :'') oorrrr wherever it is to keep my stomach filled for at least a year. i think i need to skip indonesia mengajar because i-will-frikkin-need-internet-to-apply-to-this-and-that.

it's..... not gonna be that enjoyable of a ride? or maybe i could spend some time to do other things? i don't know. let's just see what the end of june would say.

27 Mei 2015



so as per this afternoon i have just realized one thing that is certainly NOT interesting AT ALL. taking IELTS here, compared to if you take it in indonesia, will cost you a fortune. by fortune i mean, FORTUNE.

as long as i remember, i paid like, 195 euros to do IELTS in indonesia. as far as i remember. here, for the academic one, it's normal. 210 euros. okay, two years. it is enough for that kind of inflation. BUT BUT BUT BUT, if you want to study in the UK, you'll need to take the UKVI version of the test, which is an abbrevation of UK Visa and Imigration, which costs, only, 270 EUROS! in plus, i HAVE to do it in PARIS, which means ANOTHER EXPENSES. come on guys, it's just a freakin' paper that i might only use for like, some months. WHY do i have to renew it every two years?! TWO FRIKKIN YEARS?!

thanks france. or uk. or whoever you are who wanna rip myself off. lol.

ok anyhow, update!

yuhuuuw! salam dari cinque terre, italia (alodia, 2015)

so! remember about the five "promises" that i made? it's not the beginning of june YET, but i'll update anyway. i still have (a bit of) time to accomplish them. i'll give scores, 20 is the maximum on each goal. huyeh!

ONE. spherical harmonics. i'm on the right track and i still have time to really understand the concept. it's becoming clearer and clearer. hopefully. so, score. hmmm.. 10/20

TWO. signal processing. i'm still kind of stuck on the matter of converting frequential domain to its wavelength domain. yes, don't talk to me about the concept. i know that it's the reverse of the frequential domain, so it's going to be divided as much N as the frequential domain has, but what's the scaling factor? if i processed a geoid signal, are we going to play with the speed of the wave just like in acoustics and lights? and i haven't found a single book/online tutorials that is specially dedicated to this conversion problem. somebody help :( score, 5/20 hahaha

THREE. phd projects. so far i have applied to seven projects, and have been refused by one, lol. hmm. actually this is the main reason of why i need that freakin' expensive language test. fffftt. why God, why? 14/20, since it is equal to 7/10, yuhu!

FOUR. there's NO WAY i could reach 57 kg mwahahaha! it's too stressful and i eat more when i'm stressed out!! :'') 0/20

FIVE. selasar kebudayaan. the Illegal, Unreported, and Unregulated Fishing one will be held this saturday #bestofluck! BUT the "Tol Laut" one... ergghhh umm.. let's just pray and work hard on that. 10/20

and the total iiiiisss..... 32/100 HAHAHAHAHAHA crazy lady!

okay, since number four is NEVER GONNA HAPPEN, let's say that it's actually 32/80. still, doesn't even pass 50/100 hhaha.

but anyhow, i tried really hard to accomplish them all. well, except for number four to be honest ;p

see ya later dudes!

14 Mei 2015

throwing away old shoes

saat sepatu kiri udah mangap, apa lagi yang bisa dilakukan sepatu kanan selain ikut pensiun (alodia, 2015)

huftness. so. i'm throwing away my shoes.......... hopefully in a short period of time. i just can't take it!!!

yep. i know. this is crazy but these shoes are.... well.. special. mwahahahaha.

i don't know how to put this but, i once made a 'vision' of things i'm gonna buy when i make my own money. this pair of shoes..... is one of them.

then in 2011, i finally told myself that i NEED to buy a pair of sport shoes. i'm not a sporty girl, i kind of avoid doing sports since i always have the perfect excuse: i do not own a pair of decent sport shoes! well, 2011 i kind of went out a lot with a close friend who happen to be a 'sport freak.' so okay, that was the perfect time for me to spend my minimum earning to something that would last and of course, motivate me to do some sport. at least running.

so we were like looking for the perfect pair. i was aiming for reebok though, but nothing really excited me and there was this pair of.... nike? adidas? i totally forgot, which was extremely comfy and it was 50% off, but they didn't have my size!

and yup. this fila pair suited me well. they're super comfortable, even 'till now. well, to be honest, i did not use these shoes that much lol. but at least everytime i want to do a little sport, i have the pair. even my mom said that they were super comfortable that she wanted to take it away from me (and of course i said: NOOOO!!)

so.. what have i went through with this pair of shoes? well, firstly, i used them to run in Saraga ;p i don't think i wear them a lot in 2011, as i did not have much time to do sport. or well, i wasn't that interested to do sport ;p 2012 also, not much of sport. but by the end of that year, i used them to my pilgrimage to the holy land. sponsored by my uncle ;) and 2013, i brought them to france, just in case i need to do some sport. i also brought them to the netherlands on my internship in 2014. i didn't do any sport back then, but i used them to travel a bit. shortly, 2013-2014 i might have used them to some of my travels. i don't really remember the details.

2015, i started to do some sports! finally! but yup. the time that i realized that the left one 'is not working anymore' was last weekend, in Ouessant. i was... really sad, hahahaha. seriously, i was heart broken. i have never felt this emotional with a pair of shoes before, even if i bought it on my own. honestly, i was kind of staring at those shoes at the corner of my apartment while writing this post ;p i don't wanna lose them!

but.. well.. i would have to throw them away one day. they're just shoes anyway. they won't last. it's been a great 4 years, and i need to move on with a new pair. i already bought a pair of cheap sports shoes only to maintain my pace of exercise and to support my upcoming travel. i'll wait patiently for the 'sale' season to find another comfy shoes...

....or i could just stick out to this cheap pair. we'll see ;p

13 Mei 2015

running in a fast pace sometimes made you to miss out the details.

i'm not really sure of what i'm doing right now, but i totally hope that it's gonna be worth it.

i've been praying a bit more lately. hmm. maybe that's why i don't really take anything too seriously anymore. i could just flow.

but to be honest, the 'flowing' behaviour kinda scares me hahaha.

i think i need someone to share my goal with. you know. just to make sure that i'm still in the right pace. cos being the only one that motivates myself is a bit frustrating. and of course. exhausting. ;p

12 Mei 2015

in need of targets!

ok. so far, i've been doing..... a lot of things. most of them are new, some of them are.... not that new hahaha. i've started to realize that some of my friends have taken their lives seriously, whether by getting married, investing in a startup company, establishing a really cool foundation, publishing papers, that made me question my own life: what am i doing? ;p

i was scared of not working hard enough, but hey. i've been doing things like traveling to places, buying cool gears that i have dreamed of since highschool (i now have a freakin' TENT!), reading a lot of books, getting back to the 'real' earth sciences. i couldn't say that those things are small, i put a lot of efforts on them to come true. well, maybe they're just not as big as those done by these cool people.

SO! in the spirit of getting better and better, in this extremely short month of may (i don't know why but i feel like this is gonna be the shortest may ever), by the end of this month, i'm gonna reach these few goals:

ONE. understand the concept of spherical harmonics. i haven't been in touch with 'real' geodesy stuff so this thing is like, totally new to me and I NEED TO GET MY HEAD ON IT.

TWO. understand the 'true' concept of signal processing. the 'true' one, from a book. yes i have internet as a source but, come on. if you really get this thing done, life will be easier. promise!

THREE. apply to at least 10 phd projects. clock is ticking and i have procrastinated a lot on this thing. i know i fell in love with one subject, and i reaaallllyy want to be accepted on that project. problem: it's been a month since i applied to the project and i've not heard an answer/continuation. yet. since it's already like, the mid-may, i need other plans. the one i fell in love with is located in IPG Paris. so far i'm also interested to one project in tasmania and kind of thinking a lot on a project in brussels. i need to find a lot more projects to apply to.

FOUR. reach 57 kg mwahahahaha ;p this is silly but, i've been working out lately! bahahaha.

FIVE. get everything done for "selasar kebudayaan" on 23rd and 24th of may: OMG I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZED THAT I ONLY HAVE 11 DAYS THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!

okay i guess that's it. i'm kind of crazy by the way. i'm tired. but i think i'm quite happy hahaha.

best camp site ever (ridoy, 2015)

"by the end of this month" means that... i only have 19 days to reach them LOL. i'll give you the update by the first week of june!

ps: oh, and by the way, don't hesitate to visit http://selasar.ppifrance.fr/ this is one of the new things that i've been doing lately. we still have about 4 sessions to go. see ya!

01 Mei 2015

posisi poisisi dan posisi

beberapa hari yang lalu gw abis berantem sama seseorang yang, yah, dulunya kerabat dekat gw #haiyah! namun kini kami begitu berbeda #haiyah!

dari dulu sebenarnya gw tau kalau kami bersilangan pandang. mungkin karena udah lama ga ketemu juga kali yah, sehingga perbedaan sudut pandang itu semakin nyata. selain itu memang pada dasarnya kami tumbuh dari keluarga berbeda, bergaul di lingkungan yang berbeda, dan jarak membuat kami tidak dapat lagi saling mempengaruhi satu sama lain hahaha.

berantem apa sih?

ya ga berantem juga. bisa dibilang adu pendapat.

ya tapi tentang apa, cyin?

banyak coi. seperti biasa, yang selalu memancing gw untuk maju jalan adalah:

"ya lo kan cewe, gab. ga perlu mikir cari uang buat makan, beli rumah." dan lalala~

yak. makasih loh udah brought that up. lagi. masuklah kami dalam perdebatan panjang dari soal laki" yang, menurut dia, "wajib" cari uang dan lalalala terus wanita yang, menurut dia lagi, "wajib" lebih dekat sama anak". jadi bobot cowo di cari uang lebih besar dari wanita, bobot wanita di tumbuh-kembang anak lebih besari dari lelaki.

karena stand-point gw jelas, berantem lah kita soal ini. singkatnya gw bersilangan pendapat dengan dia karena, menurut gw, sudut pandang yang dia kasih itu (kalo bahasa kerennya, gw tau dari hasil selasar kebudayaan ppi prancis yang saik itu hahaha) merupakan hasil dari konstruksi sosial masyarakat sejak dulu. sedihnya, menurut gw seharusnya dia lebih dewasa menghadapi isu tersebut karena menurut gw lagi, orang yang gw ajak ribut ini punya tingkat pendidikan yang memadai.

dari situ tetiba dia nyinggung:

"jangan-jangan lo udah nyamain hubungan beda jenis dengan sesama jenis lagi?"

lah. kenapa jadi ke sana? gw pun bilang "please jangan ke sana karena gw belom punya stand point untuk hal itu." dan dia dengan sangat nyata bilang "enggak" terhadap isu itu namun dengan bahasa yang bikin gw pengen getok dan berkata dalam hati: "kenapa sih lo kaku banget?" ya gimana. toh gw bukan mendukung, hanya tidak menolak, karena gw memang masih belum banyak baca mengenai isu tersebut baik dari alkitab maupun buku" lain. jadi, y seperti yang gw nyatakan pada dia aja: "why not?" kenapa kacang? ;p

setelah ngobral ngobrol sana sini, kami kembali ke kehidupan masing" tanpa saling mengganggu. obrolan ini kalo ga salah terjadi setelah hukuman mati dijatuhkan pada terpidana narkoba di indonesia, yang menyebabkan semua orang tiba" jadi ahli hukum di facebook. terus lagi sebelumnya ada ribut" kan di pemilihan presiden bahkan pasca pemilihan presiden. dan banyak lagi orang ribut karena ini merupakan era di mana pendapat bisa disampaikan kapan saja, tentang apa saja.

sekarang pertanyaannya: apa iya di setiap kasus kita mesti punya stand-point yang jelas?

gw sendiri sekarang, orangnya cenderung netral. terlalu netral malah. kenapa? karena untuk memiliki stand-point yang jelas, perlu energi dan waktu lebih untuk menyelami kasus" tersebut. untuk peran lelaki-wanita dalam rumah tangga, stand-point gw jelas karena sample gw banyak berasal dari pengalaman gw sendiri di keluarga dan kerabat" terdekat gw. dan tanpa sengaja aja memang buku" yang gw baca itu, kebanyakan ditulis oleh orang" yang arahnya lebih ke feminis. tambah lagi, ga seorang dua orang yang memaparkan fakta betapa "dikesampingkannya" wanita akibat konstruksi sosial yang sengaja-ga sengaja kebangun ini. jadi, stand-point gw punya dasar yang jelas.

lah kalo soal LGBT? hukuman mati bagi WNA pengedar narkoba yang ternyata ditangkepnya udah dari 2005? kemajuan/kemunduran pemerintahan pasca SBY? itu kan gw mesti baca banyak sekali buku/sumber online yang bahkan harus gw pertanyakan keabsahannya. itu siapa yang nulis. terbit kapan. dan lagi, hal itu ga langsung terjadi di sekitar gw. sampe sekarang gw ga punya kerabat dekat yang, simply, openly gay. gw juga ga ada kerabat dekat yang pemakai, atau pengedar, atau bahkan penegak hukum yang kekuasaannya cukup tinggi. dan ga ada kerabat dekat yang masuk dalam pemerintahan pasca, bahkan saat dan pra pemerintahan om SBY.

intinya apa?

menurut gw. ga semua kasus kita mesti punya posisi lah. i mean, come on. kerjain aja tesis lo. kerjain aja tugas" dari bos lo. kumpulin aja itu duit buat jalan". selama kita ga punya waktu lebih untuk mencari sumber bacaan, jadi netral lah. posisi netral itu penting lho. ga semua orang bisa lihat kekurangan dan kelebihan dari dua stand-point berbeda.

jadi kalo ada orang nanya stand-point gw terhadap beberapa kasus, gw hanya bisa bilang, gw tidak mendukung, hanya tidak menolak. weheheh ;p

ps: kalo pengen ikutan ngobrol bersama orang" yang lebih pakar di beberapa isu dan ikut berdiskusi, ikutan selasar kebudayaan ppi prancis aja! tema menyusul: (1) pergerakan kemahasiswaan '98 dalam konteks dahulu dan kekinian, (2) illegal, unreported, and unregulated fishing di indonesia, (3) efektivitas pembangunan tol laut di indonesia, dan (4) kesiapan indonesia dalam menghadapi ASEAN Community 2015. follow di: http://selasar.ppifrance.fr/

pps: dan ternyata yang bikin lagunya syahrini "seperti itu?" yang tempo hari gw pos adalah.... MELLY GOESLAW!! jejeng!! pantesan itu lagu punya efek nagih ga kayak lagu" syahrini sebelumnya! AAAKKHHH kangen jugak gw sama karya"nya melly goeslaw bahaha. gapapa dech mba make syahrini utk karya terbarunya gapapa gapapa.
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