30 Juni 2015

when you dated your bestie, it's either you'll have him forever, or lose him forever.

"lupakanlah masa lalu dan ia yang telah pergi. bukanlah suatu tragedi jika kamu jatuh cinta lagi." - mr. sonjaya, dari dias

25 Juni 2015

only between us

i went to paris yesterday, another 5-hour-long journey multiplied by two, as it was a return journey. i have a lot to do these few weeks, and a lot of unexpected expenses. but, that's not the thing that i'm gonna share right now. thing is, during that 5-hour-long journey, i watched one film that i've had for quite a long time: joyful noise.

yay to gospel! (source)

yeap. i know that the story line is freakin' corny. a lot of unimportant stuff and so on. but what made me enjoy this film the most is, of course, the music!

musical has been such a great guilty pleasure of mine. starting from the lion king (well we could say that almost every disney movies are musicals, right), then sister act, then glee, and i even accidentally found rocky horror picture show and i looooooooove it ;p musicals are always great! as long as the songs are nice ;p

i missed musicals then i found this movie. i've just had the time, and the will to watch it two days ago. and-it-was-great. gospel music has always been the best way for me to connect to Him. when i sing gospel, it feels different. it feels like my heart is singing, not only my mouth. i could even have a good cry through a song when i feel so helpless and weak. that's just how i communicate with my Lord.

then through this musical, too, i could reconnect. well, i do pray everyday, at least every morning and everytime i wanna go to sleep - well, there were times when i just forgot, not gonna lie ;p - but still, the feeling is different. i suddenly miss, again, GTLE. i need to have that kind of community, but it seems that, it's not the best plan for now. europe is such an empty house. i mean. sure, they have big beautiful churches and all. but they're mostly empty. the people chose to believe in themselves rather than in God. well, at least here in france.

well, one of the 'goal' in my life was to attend this kind of church. like, the churches where (i'm sorry for using these words) black people go. where they can really sing and praise the Lord with their own way and i believe i could easily connect with them. too bad i haven't find this kind of church here. the closest was hillsong, but that's just different. i can't connect. not at all. i reeaaallly want to experience the feeling i once had in GTLE.

i know that our relationship with God should be something that, only us and God Himself know. but having a community that could 'connect' to God the same way as we do feels different. it sounds a bit selfish and all but, i'm a human after all. i'm not perfect, i would never be perfect, and i always need someone to hold on to.

who else would it be if it's not to Him?

23 Juni 2015

pauses are important

hit me! (source)

last week, i sorta...... hit the pause button in my life ;p

kinda regret all the time i hit it repeatedly. like, repeatedly. "tomorrow i'm gonna....." then "EEEK!" nothing. continued: "tomorrow it is! tomorrow!" then "EEEKK!" again.

but now i've unpaused and i feel.... GREAT! like super great.

i can see clearer, i can think clearer, i'm ready to face anything! huhah!

and i don't get tired easily. well, at least till now ;p

so, lesson learned: pauses are great. and important. never force yourself too much or else, you'd lose your concentration. even motivation. as long as you still have goals to reach and you believe that you could still make it, then go for it, hit the pause button! same thing in exercises. as i told you i kinda got used to exercising these past few months and now i know exactly how to listen to my body, when to pause and when to go on. and everytime i wanna give up, i just hit pause, take some breath, maybe have half a cup of water, then i can feel my body again and i don't feel 'that' tired anymore!

hmm. maybe that's why people insists of having a coffee break every now and then. in my school, we used to have two pauses before lunch and two pauses after lunch. not long, only about 5-15 minutes each. and when i say insisted, i mean, INSISTED. sometimes we have guest lecturers that don't really accustomed to our pace, so they actually forgot to give us pauses or didn't even know that we have pauses. and yup. there's always a class mate who raises his/her hand only to say "can we do pause? it's the time."

oh, and by the way. i really want this:


but fffft doesn't worth the price.

phew. so! i'm quite happy right now. hopefully i'd be as happy, or even happier by the end of the week. wish me luck!

21 Juni 2015

soon and soon enough (source)

faire au moins mille fois qu'on a, bouffé nos doigts ! - stromae

20 Juni 2015

lolololololololl~ hahahaha~

this just happened, agh!

and this too :')

i miss these people like crazy! lol. at first i wanted to talk about a 'serious' quarter life crisis problem with eja, but then came ian, but then came daus, but then came MAYA, but then came ibe, but then came abet, so we ended up talkin' sh*t, as we used to, and i regret nothing :''


et voila voila. tomorrow i'm watching this (hopefully) stupid comedy:

from the creators of the "flight of the concords!"

recommended by kakak diandra arinitahhh. let's see if i would have another good laugh or just a "meh" laugh. thanks you guys!

18 Juni 2015

a friend's post

have just accidentally tumbled down to a friend's blog: http://rezaachmadabas.com/

reading the last post..... i'm not willing to waste any single bit of time to let you know that "that-is-exactly-how-i-feel."

i miss my people. i miss that old orange building, not the new one. i miss.... everything.

but as eja had said: we are all grown up.

we are now climbing our own stairways. making our best to reach the top. but still. this heart screams for companion. it screams for a good laugh. for unconditional love we've had once. i just... miss it.

well. i believe someday we'll meet each other again. i have plans in my head, waiting its proper time to be realized. it would be extremely great if i could really do it with my people. if not... well.. time will tell :')


ps: i won't need to spell out your names, but anyone who are also screaming my name while reading this, yes, i miss you too.

i'm gonna sing in a friend's wedding!

and it's gonna be in 10 days! yuhu! i'm sooo excited!

marriage, ahey~ (source)

so about her. she's indonesian. she's gonna marry a french guy, and her father will come here on her wedding. i met her accidentally back in 2013. it's gonna be an intimate marriage in a small church a bit outside of the city. the church is stunning. it represents 'breton' church. breton itself means, something from brittany (my region in france), like when we say 'javanese' for a house that has the characteristics of java. there will only be 50-60 people in the marriage, typical european marriage with only small amount of people.

and i'm gonna sing! my malagasy (madagascar) friend will play the piano ;p we have only just rehearse twice! lol.

then we (me and my malagasy friend) talked about indonesia and madagascar, how we related centuries ago because there are two indonesian songs on the list. when he tried to remember the song he sang "pujilaah.." with a really accentuated "j" just like the javanese! so we talked about the origin of our languages. after that, i told him about my first year internship in the netherlands and how i met lots and lots of indonesian there. also, there are indonesian food all over the country.

me: well, apparently it's because we were colonized by the dutch.
dadou: oh, it was dutch who colonized you. so what do you speak in indonesia?
me: indonesian. i think that only my grandparents' generation who still know how to speak dutch.
dadou: really? but how long have you been decolonized?
me: about.. umm.. almost 70 years now?
dadou: that's not a really long time ago. we were decolonized by france about 55 years ago and we still speak french! even more than we speak malagasy.
me: well.. it's kind of complicated for us. it was the dutch who first colonized us, then came the british, then came the japanese. and then japan was defeated by the end of world war two in 1945, and that was the time for us to get our independence! shortly we had our independence so when the dutch came back to indonesia, we could already say "umm, sorry. we're a free country now."
dadou: ..ok that's really complex. it's like you've been colonized by the whole world.
me: yeah i know.. and we were 'educated' to.... 'hate' the people who have colonized us? so that's why we speak no dutch nor japanese. as for english, i believe that we speak english because of the globalization, not because we were colonized by the british once. they stayed in indonesia only for.. i don't know.. one and a half year?

aaaand we spoke about how 'we' were 'one country' once, in the epoch of majapahit. i believe that this kingdom reached madagascar at some point and there are people from java who went there. madagascar, i mean. that might be how we related, because it's not uncommon for me to have someone greeting me in malagasy because my face resembles their faces. a lot.

this is mialisoa! a daughter of a malagasy couple that i happen to know.
her face looks a lot like my face when i was little! (alodia, 2013)

so, it's a small world after all ;p oh, and i also told him how i met lots and lots and lots of surinamese in the netherlands because they were also colonized by the dutch, and they still speak dutch. in fact, the surinamese resembles the malagasy! but they don't really resemble indonesians. maybe because it's already too far away from indonesia while madagascar is actually in the middle.

it's really cool to talk about history and origins! moreover i am in the middle of reading pramoedya's third book of his famous tetralogy. it's in the era of organizing people of the east hindia to fight the dutch in the early 1900s so i talked about this independence thing with my whole heart ;p hfff.. i love my country too much..

15 Juni 2015

last weekend, again, i was not home

it's not every time that i could have documentations of my involvement in cultural events here in france. last weekend i went to lyon to support PPI Lyon in the 'fête de bannières' event and it was quite fulfilling. cultural events are definitely the time for me to practice my french because, i don't know, my confidence level just kind of boosted when it came to explaining things about my sweet sweet home country ;p there were only three of us in the stand, since most of the students were participating in the defilee, and our little stand was pretty busy!

we had three stuff to offer: traditional food, taking photos with minang clothes, and angklung workshops! i did about.. 4 or 5 workshops that day? i don't know. it's always amazing how people would respond to this instrument. some of them were like "wow cute!" some of them were like "oh, ok" and there are always people who would like to buy the instrument ;p

oh, and those three stuff were absolutely free of charge so our little stand by the corner of the quarter was almost always full! i felt kind of bad when i went from one 'costumer' to another since they reaaally like to talk and i reaaaally want to talk with them a bit more, because the people i met were almost always interesting!

indonesian stand wherever it is: coming earliest yet the last one who left

there was this spanish lady, in her late 50s i guess, she told me that her son was married to an indonesian and they are now staying in indonesia. her daughter-in-law named jenny and she asked me "is jenny a common name in indonesia?" and i told her "actually, we have a lot of name roots in indonesia. for example me, my name is gabriella" and she was like "wow, gabriella?! it's spanish!! me myself i'm spanish but my name is olga, a russian name!" then we talked a bit more and she was very happy with our short conversation and when she realized there was still a line behind her she was like "it's really nice to talk to you, you're really sweet. have a really nice day."

also there was an indian man, in his late 20s i guess, he asked me if i could speak english and i said "sure" and he told me about his trip to indonesia. he went to java, specifically to go to mount bromo and mount ijen and i told him "you're really lucky, i've never even been there!" and of course, he went to bali. there were also people who could speak "selamat siang," "terima kasih," and "sampai jumpa" that always made me wanna cry ;p and people asking about indonesia's tourism and i answered them passionately! you have to go here, and here, and here, umm sorry, how much time would you have? a week? that's not enough! ;p

so yup. i became an 'ambassador' without even realizing. i really hope the people enjoyed their time in our little stand, taking pictures with lots of excitement - every time a girl wants to take a picture with our costumes and her boyfriend/brozoned friend was about to take her picture, i always told them "we have costumes for boys too!" the girl would be like "WEAR IT!" and voila! - eating our delicious 'martabak telor' and 'sarang semut,' and yup, playing our musical instrument. i'm going to miss this kind of work. hopefully i would still have the chance to do this in the near future :')

as you can see the stand was cleared out, but the people were still excited to play! thanks PPI Lyon and KBRI for your trust!
(all photos were taken by reyner, 2015)

09 Juni 2015

ooh la la~

kalo lempeng mah namanya turunan, bukan tanjakan ;p (alodia, 2015)

c'est compliqué ce truc de PhD ! :'')

but so far i enjoy it. hahaha. i'm gonna share something that i found today. this is one thing that keeps my mind sane through these days. and i can relate to this, both literally and figuratively.

In his book The Hidden Brain, science writer Shankar Vedantam describes the day he went for a leisurely swim. The water was calm and clear, and he felt strong and proud for covering a long distance so easily. He decided to swim out of the bay and into open water. But when he tried to return he couldn’t make any progress. He had been deceived by the current. The ease of swimming had not been due to his strength but to the movement of the water.

In our relationship with God something similar can happen. “Going with the flow” can lead us to believe we’re stronger than we are. When life is easy, our minds tell us that it’s due to our own strength. We become proud and self-confident. But when trouble hits, we realize how little strength we have and how helpless we are.

cool, huh? i do know how it feels like swimming easily thanks to the current and getting back with much more effort when the tide is falling. point is, try not to swim on beaches that have big tidal coefficient number. 2-3 meters is ok. but 5-7 meters? you'd better look for another beach or wait for the neap tide. uyeay.


when it's meant to be.. it just meant to be..

this search of phd is kind of funny. i'll let you know more about it around next week. thing is, the only person that you can't definitely lie to is, your own self ;p asyem.

central atlantic seafloor. oh la la la la la la la la la la la~ (source)

but i'm gonna update you about those five targets that i made for the end of may!

1. spherical harmonics. i left it at 10/20 intentionally. it's not this stuff that i need to understand the most. i only need to know a glimpse of it an voila.
2. signal processing. same thing. left it at 5/20 intentionally. a glimpse is enough.
3. phd. yup, i aplied to 11 projects already. well, 12 actually. have been refused by 3, almost 4 ;p and i'm in between two, to be honest. well. at least i've got 20/20 on this target ;)
4. fat loss. i now reach 58 kg instead of the 57 kg target, wuhu! not bad, considering my eatings right now. being healthy kind of made me poor ;p because instead of buying cheap cookies and chips as snacks, i buy fruits instead. and yes they're not cheap. i even consider a lot when i need to buy proteins. it's been two weeks since i bought meat bahaha. vive les oeufs ! so 10/20 hahaha.
5. selasar kebudayaan. done done done. it was kind of disappointing but... i'm not gonna make the 'second' one. no use whatsoever. considering that it's done, 20/20.

so.... my final point is...... 65! bahahaha. yup, getting good grades IS that hard.

and if you're asking, why the hell do i want to lose fat? two reasons. reason number one: bikini! lol. this is crazy but i made a promise to one friend that: we HAVE to be CONFIDENT to wear a pair of bikini THIS SUMMER! after we finish our master thesis of course ;p reason number two: just for the sake of competing with myself. i have told you before that, the only person that i need to beat every now and then, is my own self. having this kind of 'fat loss' program makes me have this kind of motivation and it made me want to think about my health, since i will be working a lot sitting in front of the computer for the rest of my life. this is the time to invest on my health!

anyway, my eyes hurt, and i always forget to bring the sunglasses. i hope the sun would last this summer, so i won't need to bring any kinds of jacket to work.

OKAY, MORE TARGETS! this is for june!

1. REAAALLY UNDERSTAND the compensation modes on the global geoid models. this made me feel kind of stupid to be honest, cause it's simple, but when it came to coding, well, not that simple. afterwards, start making the general table of content of the report. aw yeay.
2. wavelet analysis. this is going to be tough. i need to understand this by the end of june. hopefully hopefully hopefully!
3. make a decision on phds. i told you before that i am currently in between.
4. finish my CAF documents. it's a document for the french government that i have delayed for almost 6 months now due to my tight schedule. the office is only open monday to friday, 09.00 - 16.00 so come on, seriously? but i need to finish them all before the end of july. so end of june would be better.
5. finally, do routine exercises every week! the target won't be the weight now, i guess i'll be ok when i reach 57, but then it's the 'sculpting' that matters hahaha ;p i'm talking like a crazy person right now.

so yuhu! good luck this summer!

04 Juni 2015

my life is a race

call me guilty but i love it ;p

run forrest, run! (source)

"when you're having a race, it's not the people in your left nor right tracks that you're going to beat. it's your own best time." (fakhry, professional swimmer since God knows when)
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