28 November 2017

it's all for the best!

i'm soooo excited!

i've got:

1) my AGU poster 'due date' which i set for myself this thurs, 30/11.
2) leeds' fellowship christmas worship and celebration this sat, 02/12.
3) bhangra audition vid for the national comp this sun, 03/12.
4) my f***in huuuuge AGU poster will be printed max next wed 06/12.
5) I'M GOING TO F***IN AMERICA on 09/12!!! GAAHHHH!!!!
you know what, i'm tired :'')

oh, i have not said anything about PPI UK just yet but I AM SOOO BLESSED with such AMAZING members in my dept! yes i MEAN it! :D

but hopefully all of those crazy activities are worth it. i am a lot happier this day of the year than last year. like, a lot.

one reason to be happy :) picture taken by jaspal

dear Lord,

i do not ask for much this end of year. just please, please make me go through this last month, i.e. december, healthy. yep, healthy. that is all i am asking for. i'll try to eat good, drink vitamins, and not knock myself off. i know that i do not own the power, but You yourself who own it. if you want it so be it. may my single life #ay! be a blessing to each and everyone who are in my proximity :'')


anw i found a really good post of mine, which i posted like 5 years ago. read it here! here's a snippet of what i wrote: "Tuhan ga menciptakan gw karena iseng, Dia menciptakan gw dengan rencana. gw hanya harus mengenal Dia lebih lagi untuk bener" tau apa yang Dia mau gw lakukan dalam hidup ini."
(Alodia, 2012)

03 Oktober 2017


nulis bhs endonesa gapapa yaaaaa some shitty stuff is on the way soalnya, memalukan bangsa dan negara kalok gue nulisnya enggris :'')

sooo aku sudah tahun kedua! sudah cukup lama sebenarnya, namun progress projek masih lamban. selain karena running-an kadang takes time, my head juga suka suka aja gitu hidupnya. malassssss kerja terus"an. progress ada, pasti. pokoknya harian ada target tercapai walau sangat kecil. sedikit lebih baik dari tidak sama sekali! namun...

sejak aku ngasisten, semua berubah! hahaha.

jadi gue ngasisten dua modul at least sampe akhir okt: geodynamics, dan... fundamentals of geophysics.


jadi untuk modul tersebut, aslinya gue apply buat modul lain yang basically ngasistennya adalah ya praktikum matlab. bisa donk gue. jago donk. asik asik joss. namun si module leadernya malah menawarkan "kalo fundamentals of geophysics aja, mau ngga? gue butuh asisten banyak di sini." terus gue pede iya-in. i mean, ini matkul undergrad, what could go wrong.....

...or could it? lol.

oke, tutorial pertama: ..what have i gotten myself into.

isinya persamaan persamaan gitu HAHAHAHAHA JENIUS. simple sebenernya, gue pernah ngerjain itu, pernah banget, BUT HOWWW.


karena matkul lain, si plate tectonics, materinya cenderung lebih simple, tapi waktu interaksinya 2 jam. and-oh-it-was-a-lot-better. jadi gue bener" bisa ngobrol, jelasin satu", kalo salah dikit bisa "oop sorry it should be begini begini." LAH INI. salah dikit i will tell myself "DAMN I FUCKED UPP" berlanjut pengen jedotin kepala ke tembok. ntahlah. tatapan tatapan demanding para dedek dedek menekan batinku hahaha.

dan somehow, gue jadi lebih fokus utk belajar bahan" buat ngasisten. worst part is: i actually enjoyed it :''')

jadi kayak, waktu gue untuk ngerjain projek jadi berkurang, mostly gue fokus belajar dan mengajar, walau secara kontrak waktu belajar mengajar gue itu hanya 5.5 jam/minggu (termasuk persiapan) but i absolutely spent more on preparation. A LOT MORE. terutama buat si fundamentals of geophysics. rusuh bro! hahaha.

dan buruknya lagi, ini anak" dibagi dalam 3 grup. tiap grup dpt tutor yang beda". GUE TAKUT DITINGGAL MAHASISWA :'''( takut mereka prefer tutor lain. gatauuuuu kenapa si gue :'')

oke i need to have my harga diri back. i might screwed up, but slowly i won't. pelan. pelan. ku akan membuat mereka mengerti, dan jika mereka benar pergi, mereka akan menyesallllllll!!!! ahahaha apa sih.

oke sekian hari ini.

12 September 2017

new (academic) year

i do romanticize about this place lately.. missing it.. and the people in it.. (alodia, 2013)

when i wrote down the caption i was like, what, 2013? four years already?! :'')

it's never enough isn't it? lol.

i'd like to talk about how i feel about life right now, and how i am in a very, very comfortable position. even though there are still times when i'd like to bang my head to the wall. still many, many times.

new academic year! phew. i need to get used to having so many people around, again. i really like these past few months. well, since june to be honest. not many people around at work, only interacting with people i am used to interacting with, nothing crazy. but i do like these past few days, especially.

so i randomly took a first aid certification. to be honest, i am not in the state when i've got much money but hey, this is a moment. so spent 80 bucks for a full 2-day training, and it was worth it. it was one of the best training i have ever had and so much fun! i am so happy taking that opportunity. i can't emphasize it more.

the first year was great. not excellent, but great. four out of five. i did what i wanted to do, and i know where i'd like to belong. ..kind of :) and i am starting to teach this semester, yaay! no biggie, not many hours, just a way to kick off my skills.

skills, skills. cool, huh?

after interacting with more and more people here, i don't think age matter anymore. i met phd students with much older age than me who are still doing stuff with undergrads, i met masters students who are also older than me but still willing to learn, i met really, really wonderful undergrads with lots of skills and compassion. and again, that realization that 'a job is just a job' came.

funny story. i was talking to a friend about jobs the other day. he is graduating his masters and applying for a job here and there. i told him, i've still got 2-3 years here, i'm not applying these times. and voila, there's an opening for 17.400 governmental position (so-called PNS) starting from this day! boom!

what's so funny about that? well, the only job that i really, really want is to be a lecturer in ITB. still. from. 2010. to. now. nothing changed. i talked to my other friends about the processes: we HAVE to choose only ONE position and basically, once you're in you're in. no career change whatsoever...

...not so motivating, eh?

i went through the application and found soooo many 'geodesi' here and there. hmm. this must be from multiple universities. but only ONE, or maximum two, will be accepted in each institution. and VOILA! NO GEODESY FOR ITB! :''')

i was SOOO HAPPY that i didn't HAVE to go home AGAIN lololololllll. i don't want to miss my first weeks here, teaching students, volunteering for GOGA, bhangra practices, too many things to miss out!

the other day dian sent me that there IS an opening (non-governmental...ish?) for geodesy in ITB. only one. for PhD. well i'm not down with that, just yet. i know some people who are currently more qualified. it would be a waste of time and money to do that now anyway. oh, why was i worried about the PNS thingy? because the qualification was 'only' a masters degree :'') didn't want to miss that out.

and... yea. age does not matter. indonesians are used to posting old pictures with "some kgs ago" or "when i was skinny" ...stuff like that. but isn't it basically our fault, if we didn't maintain our own body? me too, i was lazy AF when i was in undergrad. i have just realized the importance of our own fitness since the start of my phd! i am a 25+ now, i realize how my body is wearing out, but i see older people who still maintain their health by doing sports and eating healthy. that's how i want my life to be!

not only physically, mentally. youth mentality is super duper important. always open to something new, not closing up, the will to explore. isn't that the thing we need to survive? and yea, i do need to save money for my future. short-term, probably. i spent most of my money for my dreams last year so these two coming years, the goal is to save, as i am not able to gain just yet.

so yea. second year phd, here i come :)

13 Juli 2017

things i still would like to do

1. learn classical piano. i stopped at age... 12, i guess? and i'd like to revisit.
2. take a dance class. a serious one.
3. take a singing class, just to know the basic techniques.
4. make kind of a Get Out Get Active thing, wherever i will be based in after grad school.
5. get married, so i can do the laendler dance ;p

besides, as a foreigner (or maybe, perantau), apparently i cannot put myself into most of my friends' position who have been talking about: house(s), investment(s), steady job, career path, etc. i was really confused at first (especially the time i got home late 2015s to late 2016s). i put my head directly this 'very indonesian' way of thinking and ended up..... even more confused.

i was a bit relieved when i know, ok, i had someone (yep, had, not anymore) so at least i have someone to plan a future with. we, well, more or less had similar vision (as simple as 'where our home will be) so i could already count how much i should save the following years but then BAM! we finished.

now i am counting what i've got and how much i should save. i don't really have time or energy to think about investments so... i let it go. i respond only to trusted friends about this. so what i do now is just the things i did during my master's degree: living as cheap as possible and travel if the proportion is right. so even though i am not "muterin" my money, i've got some savings.

perkara bisa beli rumah ato ngga, gue kesampingkan sama sekali. at least i'll still have my parents' home when i got home for good, and cicilan does not sound that scary to me. and since wealth is never in my mind, i do not really think about buying lands or stuff.... just yet.

another interesting thing is.. i do not care about my career path anymore. it's true. i found out that... jobs are jobs. they are there to pay rent, to buy food, etc. it does not have to be fulfilling and it does not have to be 'only one.' so what i am investing myself in right now is: skills. i am learning bhangra (so i might open a class someday), i am keeping my body fit (so i might do a part-time job as a fitness or zumba instructor), and joining activity clubs like theaters and get out get active. i don't know, i am not that good at making money by 'sitting' i guess :'') it must involve movement.

i am not that good in research either, the only target i am running to now is just to 'pass.' the rest are.. just the rest. after some realization, the dream was to travel, not to become a great scientist after all. so the fact that i could even brought my family here was already very super duper better than expected :)

so yeah.. the rest... are just bonus. yeay.

02 Juni 2017

suddenly harrison (again)

i've been listening to the beatles since junior high, back in early 2000s. simply because i thought it was cool. i played the guitar already back then, i have an uncle who is really close and i think he was the one who mentioned this band the first time while we were going round and round in his car one day.

then i met irma, a fellow guitarist who apparently loveesss the beatles. she was a george fangirl since day one, and i was still this young girl who was mesmerized both by paul and john. to be fair john is the most good looking one ;p and paul? well he's interesting because he's a left-hander. lol.

years after i still listen to beatles' music. the more i grew, the more i listen to their later days music. back in junior high i only listened to their black-and-white days like hard day's night (i even watched the film too! borrowed the dvd from irma), she loves you, with some other 'hit song' in their later days like hey jude. those which chord progressions were quite simple for a little girl to play on her guitar. now i am just... amazed of how this group could really grow from such a 'fangirl-based' thing to real grown-up musicians, as probably their fanbase were grown up too.

unlike other musicians, beatles always have a space in my heart (and my mind) which is like, always there ever since. every time i listen to one of their songs, it's like meeting an old friend and talking to them. slowly i became a fangirl who started to look for their histories, why they broke up, the 'paul is dead' rumour, etc. etc.

and suddenly i bumped into this song.

what, george? he had a solo? no wayy.

and this song is soooo goooood. it fits well in my soul, if i could exaggerate a bit. especially when you know what 'he could meant' by changing 'hallelujah' to the 'hare krishna' chant by the end.

how do i know that? well it was the last years of my master's degree (mid-2015), i was writing a thesis, i needed something to read other than textbooks and i just started googling. about harrison.... and he was cool. like, really cool. i have always thought it was lennon who brought indian vibe to the songs (well he did brought the 'LSD' vibe in their songs in sgt. peppers, lol), but apparently it was george! and i started to look for songs that are composed by harrison.......... those are really, really good songs. they have this progression in which lennon's and mccartney's songs do not have, as they are more.. hmm.. pop, i guess?

i even managed to find a movie titled 'george harrison: living the material world,' which was apparently a NEW movie, directed by who? MARTIN SCORSESE!

GEOOORGE! and this movie was made in 2011. 2011, guys!

it is mostly lots of footage and photographs of harrison, his tale, everything. oh, lots of interviews from his closest to. basically, it's his life compiled in one movie!

then yesterday, i accidentally bumped into harrison, once more. well not harrison really. it started with this crazy footage of how yoko ono kinda 'ruined' chuck berry and lennon's duet.

another revelation, guys, another revelation. i've just found out that apparently this woman...... is crazy. she is....... no artist. like, honestly. she even made lennon's first son, julian, buy lennon's old stuff after he passed away from the shooting! that is just. disgusting. but we won't talk about her now.

i accidentally found some footage of harrison's old interviews, and this one is my favourite.

i was listening to this interview while working on my data (it has been 2-3 days of iterative stuff which needs endurance rather than 'brain') and thought. man, starr must've been the ultimate friendzoned man ever :') just listen to him, who doesn't want to be friends with this guy! he's hilarious!

and george was too!

so yea. this inner fangirl still does alive. it only became stronger. liverpool is only a stone's throw away, but i am not ready just yet. i think i will need someone to take care of me, at the very least, while i will be fangirling alllll the way. meanwhile, i'll stay here. in leeds.

25 April 2017

PhD life for me: what makes it hard

now every single time i got sick of my phd project, one of the things that i like to do to cheer myself up is to look back to how far i have walked to this day..... but instead of cheering me up, it sometimes made the sickness even worse :')

so what is it that makes this life is a lot harder than i thought it would be?

#1 i am going through this by myself. all this. 
i am not saying that i didn't receive any help whatsoever, but from the beginning to the end, it is me who plan things, it is me who decide what to do step by step, and it is me who should be answering questions. there will be a lot of "it is me" sentences i could elaborate here, including lots and lots and lots of trial and errors with the software you are not familiar of and how you can import, export, re-import, and re-export certain data in a format that could be read and written by different packages of software. my supervisor is always there to discuss, especially for problems that are extremely technical and iterative, but for questionable results, let us repeat, it is me who should find out why it behaves that certain way.

all-by-myseellffff. dowonebee. alll-by-myyyyseeelfff. anemmmooohhhh!!!!

#2 there are just too many things to read. 
when i first got to this project, i was excited AF in reading lots and lots of references related to my area of research. but the more i know, the more i am curious, the more papers i downloaded, the less time i actually have to finish them all. yes, my way of reading have evolved in a certain way so i could skip unimportant parts of such paper..... and i have managed to minimize the need to google every single unfamiliar geological term as they have become more and more familiar to me. but still. sometimes i just can't control the amount of papers i wanna read, while the data sets are there, in my PC, waiting to be touched. i. just. can't.

#3 finding constructive people. 
look. when you're a phd student, you are considered as one of the brightest person in your area........ while i never really see myself that way. so, these consciously bright people, unlike me, take everything so lightly. mid-year report? naah, don't worry, it's nothing. first-year report and meeting (kind of a...... defense)? naah, it's nothing, chances you're going to fail is too little to be worried about. i don't know why, it's quite hard to find people in the same year as i am who are as worried sick as myself and, you know, willing to share and talk about our progress seriously. i do have constructive colleagues from other departments, but come on, who knows better than the people in the same department? but well.. sometimes it's about expertise as well. you can't really talk with just any people, even though there are, a-lot-of-them. and from those many people, i have only found one person, who is truly, truly humble, helpful, and 'speaks the same language' as i do (not literally, i mean, we could understand each other's project so we could have that 'window of discussion'). one. one!

#4 as i have experienced working in companies, the daily tension is not as constant.
it is really hard to keep my working pace stable while no significant achievements could be made in a short term period. in companies, people are used to work on repetitive tasks with slightly different phenomenon and troubleshoot faced. in a phd project, everything is troubleshoot. everything is phenomenon. every single thing is a why. hence, it is really, really tiresome for a still overly-practical person inside this scientist-masked face of mine. i need certainty! i need accomplishments!

#5 facing the fact that... i am already that far.
the easiest thought that would pop off my head is always: to quit. done. bye. see ya. but i am so thankful that i could still find constructive people surrounding me, though it's getting harder and harder to find someone you can actually talk to, sincerely. every single time i feel like i wanna quit, i take a look at my age. i take a look at my peer's age. as we're peers, we're about the same age. but we have went quite different ways. most of my friends who started as professional, continues as professional, with better position and/or pay-off, of course. those who chose academic path, have even went ahead more rapidly than i am. me? though my pace is slower, i have already stepped this far in the academia world. if i turned back, i would lose.... those 5 years since my graduation in 2012. 5 years honey, 5 years! ...so yea, it is such a burden to me... to finish what i have started.

hence, the road is still..... far ahead. i took this path with full consciousness. yes i know it's getting harder and much more complicated than expected. but...... Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (Galatians 6:9).

may God bless whatever it is He plans for this annoying child of His.

18 April 2017

cutting everything off

balik ke post terakhir, mengenai cutting everything off.

saya sudah melakukannya tiga hari ini. rasanya enak banget, ga ngerjain apa" selama tiga hari berturut-turut. tiga lho, tiga! biasanya paling mentok ya dua hari, sabtu-minggu. namun berhubung di sini hari ini easter monday, yawis. ada alasan untuk tidak hadir, walau aku punya hak. toh jumat kemarin gue hadir, walau notabene tanggal merah..

nah pak bapak bu ibu, gue ini sedang rindu sekali sama yang namanya BACA. baca buku, terutama yang enteng enteng lah. pala awak pusing baca yg serius serius mulu, dan butuh waktu untuk kayak 'emerge' ke dunia lain, di mana gue bisa membayangkan ini itu dan ngos"an sendiri padahal ga ngapa"in. pengen takut, seneng, sedih, ketawa, bete, dll. hanya gegara membolak-balik halaman.

itulah kenapa gue butuh travelling!

gue udah ada upcoming travel loh, dan omg gue mesti nyiapin beberapa hal sebelom lupa :') too many things too little time mabrohs.

karena travelling itu adalah satu"nya space di mana gue bisa baca buku. karena biasanya gue ambil travel yang jarak tempuhnya jauh"an, baik darat laut udara. berhubung pemandangan sepanjang jalan ya gitu" aja, satu"nya alat survival gw (selain tidur) adalah buku!

buku terseru terakhir yg gw baca pas travelling adalah hundred year old man who climbed out the window and disappeared, karya jonas jonasson. buku.... swedia kalau ga salah ya. pokoknya nordic. itu kocak banget sih! sampe di hostel pun itu buku masih gue baca, ga cuma sepanjan perjalanan. jarang jarang loh!

dan... kalau buku terakhir sih ya.. itu serial supernova. emang sih, endingnya agak" kayak power ranger, tapi petualangannya tuh dapet benget!! seru lah ngikutin masing" episodenya, terutama pas setelah gw baca buku keempat (yang keluarnya teh DELAPAN TAHUN setelah buku ketiga), gw langsung baca ulang tiga buku pertamanya. tetap amazed dengan #1, tetap keseruan baca #2 yang adalah salah satu dasar kenapa gue gila travelling, dan tetap ngakak gila baca #3 hahaha.

gue juga sempet keseruan baca raden mandasia si pencuri daging sapi, tapi bosan di tengah jadi gue tinggalkan buku itu di tanah air. huft.

skarang nih ya. buku gue di kamar ini, ga banyak...... tapi belum ada yang gue habis baca :'''''(

kalo gue bilang pengen cepet liburan, ironisnya, artinya gue mesti cepet nyelesein report. kok sepertinya seperti gue doank ya yang menganggap report itu hal besar :'') apa aku se oon itu??

beklah. semangat kakak. cukup cuttingnya tiga hari kemarin. time to move. on.

masih gaaalauuu.  take it or leave it. kurasa aku bisa kelaparan beberapa hari sih. demi.

28 Maret 2017

that monthly/two-monthly cycle of being stressed out, the urge to just quit and cut everything off?

currently happening. right. now. here. in cyprus.

i need some sleep.

21 Maret 2017


when i got to my zone
and i started to write
though the cold seeps to my bone
the process always seems right

when a report is complete
or a note or an essay
there's nothing can compete
to the feels that "girl, you slay!"

ps: mid-year report, check. impulsive LPDP essay, check. supervision meeting notes, check. etc. etc. etc.

14 Maret 2017

after such contemplative post yesterday, i have officially reached the point where i've got so many things i wanna do yet more things i HAVE to do :'') lyfe.

08 Maret 2017

time dilation

ever heard of time dilation? dilatasi waktu, in bahasa indonesia.

well basically, you've got two observers: one moving and one not moving. these two observers would observe time, and their observation would be different. voila! it's one of einstein's relativity core, the famous one.

i've experienced... kind of time dilations time after time these few weeks or so. everything moves faster and it's good! because i really look forward to other things ahead, just want to get rid of everything that is happening now already.

and the story goes...

monday i was pretty relaxed. did not have any specific targets as i already worked pretty hard on previous thursday and friday. i woke up late, i went to the gym around 10:30 or so, i met mba yulia to give my video recordings afterwards, had a random chat with bang jonta that we met near campus, ate lunch with my colleagues in the refectory, and start working in my desk around 15:00. that's super late, but that's ok..... or so i thought.

as one of my supervisor have not replied my mail about my mid-year meeting arrangement, i sent him another mail to check his availability. in less than 30 minutes i received a response:

"how about tomorrow 14:00?"

:''''') i cried both happily and unhappily, lol. so i re-contacted my two other supervisors as well as another supervisor from a company which data i am currently working on...... around 18:00 they have all said yes. well congrats, gabs!

so as you thought, i did everything i need to do for the meeting. thankfully i already prepared the report draft, the only thing that is missing are the results and some additional stuff that can be added later. so around those times (18:00ish) i contacted bintan to accompany me for quick dinner and chat before all the stress i would face. and, well, the results.... that's the thing i needed to show! i literally did not go home until........ 3? 4? i don't recall. but it is probably after 2.

the plan was to arrive early morning to continue working, but apparently i have reached my goal for the night so..... i slept in again -____-

i only went to the office around 11:00, furnish my data here and there, prepare the presentation, and heck i made it ;p and unbelievably, the meeting went good, at least from my point of view. there were no apparent doubt from any of my supervisors and... i can continue :)

then chris, my main supervisor came to my desk around 17:00 or so to discuss technicals furthermore, and he asked me to be a demonstrator (computer lab assistant) for his class earlier today! guess what i was reaallly glad ;p i said yes directly and cancel my field trip plan, i'd rather teach than learn, i've learnt too much already, lol.

so yea, as usual i went to the gym in the morning, i did some stuff at my desk, then i did demonstration, had another lunch break with some colleagues, and here :) oh, i will watch two cool theater shows tomorrow. so excited! oh yea, i had a meeting with PPI UK last night too. how productive.

it's only wednesday but it feels like friday already. i don't know why. so so so excited for days ahead!

ps: i contacted chris again, to let him know about my holiday plan. guess what, he's having a holiday in almost the exact same time i will be having one, so it is approved ;) YEAAAAYY!

04 Maret 2017

the thought of quitting

life is full of choices. and opportunities. and when something goes wrong or does not go as planned, it's human nature to look for something else.

thoughts like, does this even matter? what difference would it make if i call it off? what could i have become if i did not choose this path in the first place? what else is there in this world? am i missing out?

not once i have ever thought of quitting what i am doing right now. truth to be told, yes, it is like a cycle. monthly, or at least every two months if i am lucky. there's just a lot of uncertainty. is this project worth it? will the results even matter? will this ever be finished? should i do something other than this, like, other projects? and again, am i missing out?

moreover, there are still uncertainty after i am finished. what will i do afterwards? am i really sure about what i am going to do? and again, and again, and again, am i missing out?

as an emotional management, i tried to contact my friends, my relatives, just about anyone who i felt quite close to and/or those who i believe have the knowledge on what i am facing right now. i am pretty lucky being surrounded by various people with different point of views, but still have one conclusion: quitting will not solve any problem.

a genius friend of mine named ghazi convinced me that, i could only call it quit if i have better plan. i told him all of my doubts and opportunities that i might be missing in the upcoming three years of my life, yet he said "well for me, that does not sound like a plan."

he reminded me about the time i have invested for what i have become right now, and simply it's a shame to call it quit. "you are one of few people who are doing what you are doing right now. you're already in a path of becoming an academia and why would you waste it for something that is actually have less certainty than you thought it would?"

and about relationship yadda yadda yadda i talked to albert. simply he told me "IF YOU QUIT WE ARE FRIENDS NO MORE. PERIOD." lol but yea we ended up on nothing there. everything we talk about when we got to the "relationship" part of discussion is kind of illusive. well, truth to be told, this relationship-thingy is also something that has been holding me back. but again it is not enough reason to call it quit.

so what do we do? do we have to continue our way to the end? do we need to stop for while? do you really need to quit?

all i can say now is.... time will tell.

and don't forget to pray :)

24 Februari 2017

resolution, resolution!


i have actually made a new year's resolution.... which is quite crappy lol so i did not post it here. as i have already HAD to make a modification, here goes the updated-yet-more-powerful 2017 resolutions:

1. academic: pass transfer with only few revision by end of july/early august (right before/after PPI UK's ISIC-SI)
2. organisation: push ISF sub-cluster and research goals towards ISIC 2017
3. family: save money for me-time and family-time end of june to july (before transfer!! rrawrr!)
4. health: develop overall body strength and gauge stable body weight
5. social: see more people, academic- and/or career-wise if possible

phew.. the 5th one is.. idk, kind of the 'easier' version of submitting a paper to a conference or participating in talks lol. i submitted something to a small ted-like talk by PPI Oxford for this may, idk if it'll pass. indonesian students here are more... hmm.. ambitious, i guess? lol. but it's good! you're always challenged to become better and better!

but yea, if i managed to submit one paper this year, that'd be cool. lol.

1-2-3 are related to each other, so june and and july would be my KEY months, and august would be my sleeping month hopefully :''')


monthly cycle

1st week: meh
2nd week: meh
3rd week: 3rd week already?!
4th-5th week (if any): supervision meeting, no sleep!!!

- meeting happens -

1st week: meh

19 Februari 2017

sincere game for sincere friends, yaay!

so lately i've been, well broken. lol. as cheesy as it sounds i was completely devastated. and what did i do about it? well i did what i always do best: i bother people!

well let's see, starting from my mom, one person who i don't really know that deep but situations just made us kinda know each other, three of my friends who are literally wayyyy over the "close friends" yes they are ultimately close sometimes i don't even bother to filter my words when i am with them, another person whom i don't really know that deep and blah blah blah continued from the one you've read already, oh another friend from college who accidentally involved blah blah blah, and old friend of mine who i believe have wisdom waayyyyy over mine, hmm two of my randomly grouped friends, and oh! two people to whom i started to be opened up to. quite a lot, eh?!

so, in honour of my true true friends and family, i would give some of them a little surprise. not that 'surprisy' though, just a token of appreciation as i do not do this too often, except for my mom, whom i tooootally totally talk about A LOT. so i'll just choose five of them andddd........ welcome to the compliment quickfire!!!


ok what is this game. shortly, i would have 1 minute NOT LESS, NOT MORE, to give quick compliment about each of the people i will be introducing you to. i will start with a photo (from facebook, obviously), a nickname (not full name, no), a little background of who the person is/how we knew each other (not timed) anddddd start complimenting (timed)! i can write as long as i'd like but it should be under one minute of writing. ok? ok. leet's go!

DIAZ. we became friends because we thought we were the closest description of "hipster" starting from 2009, 2nd year of college. COMPLIMENT! he's super open minded but firm in the place(s) where he needs to. adventuruous, kind, but it does not mean he could get REALLY mad, lol. he's loyal, would do anything for love (and for the one he loves).


ALBERT. background quite similar with diaz, except he ain't no hipster. not even close. COMPLIMENT! this man sucks, lol. man it's soooo hard to compliment this guy i always want to punch him in the face! but he's super kind and would do anything for his family. strong, yet gentle. wtf is that lol. he's ok.

BAHAHAHA don't you see how hard i did that?! well honestly he's quite awesome, it's just that we're overtly close and he's so fun to be picked on (he did the same thing to me, meh) so fair enuff!

DIAN. background a bit similar with those two except we've known each other since a year earlier. we wanted geology but got dumped to geodesy, LOL. COMPLIMENT! she. is. strong. like seriously, you would never EVER find someone as strong as her. she's crazy strong i don't even know how lol. big dreams, but yea sometimes i just want to shout in her face GO! GET! THOSE!

ahaw! i'd have to admit, i cheated. i knew how to cheat, and i did that. i thought about what i wanted to write while i was searching her photo on facebook lol but that does not mean it is not sincere! and voila, i might cheat again for the next two ;p

RAISA. just because me and her went to the same highschool with 'that' raisa, she's not 'her.' no. they are two. different. people. COMPLIMENT! man, why is 'strong' the first word that cross my mind like, again? but seriously, behind those eyes she is! she's hard working, a good partner, and even have more HARSH words than mine during some times!

man she's really great. i don't know how i'd be if i didn't remember to contact her during this period of time. yea of course i cheated, i already knew what i wanted to write about her here lol.

MOM. this. is. my. twin. my everything. i didn't want to write about her at first but seriously, can't i?! COMPLIMENT! i cried to her since i was a baby and she still listens. even though she got uneasy and super impatient if i cried too hard (which is EXACTLY what i'd do lol) superwoman. inspiration. crazy. everything.

and IT'S A WRAP!! wooff was harder than i thought, man. i literally do not know, how to get through this week, if it weren't for these guys.... and the others i have described earlier. hopefully these sincere compliments would make their days a bit better lol. and sorry for anything that is inappropriate coz it's me after all MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

ps: you know what, i am always surrounded by women who by definition are STRONG. i mean, i have lots of guy friends too, but 'strong' is never the word i'd describe them first :''') omg wtf is wrong with the world lol

pps: yes, albert's strong, but still not the first word came to mind when i thought about him ;p

ppps: TYME to go back to THE GYM!

17 Februari 2017

the answer is clear, yet You kept asking
i know You died for my sin, so this is the cross i'm bearing
it's not my own happiness, what i long is to comfort
time heals they say, but space conceives hurt

11 Februari 2017

short Q & A

i'm bored. and i found one interesting video in which 70 people ages 5-75 are asked simple questions and we can see how the trend changes (or not) from a young mind to the older ones. here is the video.

so i guess i'll answer those questions, lol. i am now 25 and here are my answers.

what's your goal in life?
finish my PhD, join a scientific cruise 1-2x beforehand, go home, get married, find a place to live and have family, have a steady job and just enough time to do my hobbies.

what do you regret most?
hmm.... leaving home (again) too quickly to pursue my education, i guess.

what was your favourite song growing up?
hmm..... que sera sera :)

what woman do you most admire?
mainstream, but my mom.

what's the most romantic thing that's happened to you?
i guess when my ex picked me up at our 8th month anniversary, circa 2011. when i went out of my place he put out a white rose from inside of his jacket, lol. we didn't really do a lot of romantic stuff back then so it was special.

then i found another channel. the questions are also quite cool.

so let's get started.

the most important lesson you've learned
don't blame people for disappointing you, blame yourself for expecting too much from them

what have you sacrificed?
my quality time with the loved ones

how do you mend a broken heart?
you can't

what is one thing everyone should try?

what is love?

quite nice, eh? let's see how it'll change the following years.


i tried to be nice to day, and it felt great.
i tried to do at least 1-2 hours of exercise/sports every day, with 1 rest day every week, and it felt great.

trying to be happy with simple things isn't as easy as it sounds these days. a lot of pressure coming not from the society, but from myself. i met bang hadi (malaysian) and pawan (thai) earlier this day, we chatted about our projects and it turns out that i am not as far behind as i thought i was. too bad we're not in the same room, not even the same building. having a peer group is really important for me right now, especially the ones with similar struggle, lol.

i gotta say, it has been a nice week. i tried to wake up at 6 am every single day but the success rate these 5 days is still 3:5, not exactly every single day. as i have been trying to work with data instead of reading numerous papers, i have been dragging myself back to spotify and found quite variety of music. you'll find me head banging while playing with GMT or ArcGIS quite often, lol.

this is a nice one! a bit queen-wanna-be but i gotta say it's quite neat!

i've got two gym classes tomorrow, i'll play around with some data as i did not quite manage to carry out 8 hours/day of work every single day. there were days i woke up late and i faced some troubleshooting with one of my software and well, it pissed me off. i might need to go to the student's cluster to do that. and i've got an appointment with a friend in the evening. i'm not really sure what we're gonna do but let's just see.

hopefully i would be able to wake up in the morning on sunday as i will be having a walk! yaay! so in the mean time i'll try to pick up where i left off, days are getting shorter these days. have a nice and blessed day, everyone :)

04 Februari 2017

gym and stuff

yes yes right, i've just joined the gym!

after all the hesitation, all the activities, and all the emptiness beside work-work-and-sleep-and-eat post panto and bhangra performances. there you have it, gab. a gym membership.

surprised? well, honey, you should not.

to be completely honest i have allllwayys wanted to join a gym since i was as little as 12. back then, gym was such a privilege. only upper-class people could afford it and i was not one, lol. i first tried a 'free day' with a friend and a mom's friend in celebrity fitness pondok indah mall when i was, hmm.. in junior high i guess? so yeah, i was still very little, around 12-14 years old i suppose.

CELFIT! still the up-most gym in indonesia, i guess?

it was like this huuuuuge timezone! yes, i always consider gyms as a place to 'play' because, look at all those machines! i only tried the treadmill and cycle yet i felt really cool. one thing that amazed me more is that they have classes! i joined the hip hop class as this type of class was reaaally in in late 90s, before zumba came. it was awesome. it was great.... but not affordable.

high school there was this 'obligatory' gym class in a cheap gym....... which i hate. it was disgusting. literally sweat everywhere, and you know what i'm talking about. then in university, still, gym's not an option. no money honey. no money. even until i worked, still my earning could only meet my basic needs.

master's degree? well, there was a little gym at campus, but again, it's tiny and all sweaty.... and all boys -___- thank God a friend invited me to a zumba class and also thank God for fitness blender! with a pair of adjustable dumbbells (for like, 20 euros or something?) i did like 2-4 exercises a week. my house was quite spacious, me and my roommates even had dancing days with a youtube channel called fitness marshall!


from october till mid-december i was really busy. panto practices took about 8 hours/week and bhangra took about 3 hours/week, sometimes more. so if i joined the gym since then, it would not be worth it. even though i really wanted to join from day one as the membership is super cheap! it's like 15.25 pounds/month (so about 250.000ish rupiahs - even cheaper than celfit's membership!) and i've got 8 hours/day access to the fitness suite and 25m long swimming pool in weekdays, free exercise classes (zumba, bodypump, spin class, you name it) every single day (with reservations and stuff), climbing wall, and squash court! the only down side is that, well, i only bought the cheapest membership so i would not have access to both fitness suite and swimming pool in peak hours (example, after 15:30) and on weekends. but it's alright. the access is open from 06:30 everyday and it's a lot emptier in the morning. i did my induction at 17:00 and it was crowded. not worth the extra money, man.

most important thing in my membership: ACCESS. TO. SWIMMING. FVCKIN. POOL.

oh, and they've got these tailored swimming exercises, laminated! so i could just pick something up depending on the distance i would like to 'conquer' and believe me. it was hard. but more effective than only swimming without any goals. almost wanted to give up in the near end, got trouble breathing, slowed down, but thank God the pool was almost empty so i would not need to speed up or stuff before finally.... cool down!

i've only joined like two days ago so of course i am still motivated! let's see what i would become...... next month ;p

17 Januari 2017


in the spirit of still hesitating whether to watch la la land or not, list 12 top movies that's going on in your head right now!

1. 12 angry men (1957)
2. memento (2000)
3. lion king (1994)
4. singin' in the rain (1952) 
5. les choristes (2004) 
6. qu'est-ce qu'on a fait au bon Dieu ? (2014)
7. following (1998)
8. whiplash (2014)
9. coach carter (2005)
10. hunchback of notre dame (1996)
11. patrik, age 1.5 (2008)
12. big hero 6 (2014)

not that they are my top 12 movies, they are just.. well, the movies that pops to mind. and guess what, apparently 2014 was the best! how come i listed three movies in the exact same year while others are like, spread without any patterns. i'll just talk about those three then.

firstly: qu'est-ce qu'on a fait au bon Dieu ?

if you don't get it, that's because it's french. yes, it's a french flick. literally the title will be translated as "what have we done to you, oh dear God?" yes yes it is. it's a simple story about a french family who have four daughters. the first one married a jew. second one married a muslim. third one married a chinese. so their parents never really experience a "true" wedding they really desire as a catholic: in a church, with a priest. so now it's only the youngest. who will she be married to? this comedy is hilarious. seriously, best way you can laugh at how the diverse french act toward each other right now. many people (well, who never live in france) would judge that this movie is racist. the jokes are rude. not even funny. but honestly they're the best. and the ending? nothing compares!

yet another marriage. hm.
second of all: whiplash

all of you la la land pros must know that the director of that very movie is the same person with the one who directed whiplash. whaaaaaat? this movie is so intense. it is boring for some people who hates drama (not to say 'musical') but... i don't know. i just... i can totally relate to how the protagonist feel along the movie. not to mention the dark ending. yes, yes, it was an awesome ending.... but it's dark. there's an implication of what the protagonist has become from the beginning to the end of the movie and those emotion..... it could only be delivered by such great actors. bravo on your chemistry, miles teller and j. k. simmons. 

this scene portrays.... so many emotions. complex ones.

last one: big hero 6

favourite!!!!! one cannot not fall in love with baymax. if i could have baymax with me forever and ever, i don't think i will ever need to get married or something lol. pixar is such an ass at emotion. again, emotion ;p how can they make us fall in love with a robot? the message, the dream, even the villain. that's life, bruh. and this movie brought me to my dream of becoming an innovator. a scientist. nerdy ones hahaha. but yeah. all in all i love baymax.

hug meee... or i'll sleep.

why did i make this list? well why not? they are all good movies, trust me. the serious ones: 12 angry men (black and white, one room only, strong conversations), memento, and following (early nolan movies). the others are quite light. if you love musical, or simply music, you should try singin' in the rain (then you'll know where la la land came from) and les choristes (a light-hearted yet deep french movie). love sports? coach carter's still the best sports-themed movie i have ever watched (spoiler: the protagonists didn't win the final game). looking for something more foreign? try patrik, age 1.5, a simple-themed swedish movie which i found by accident. and you disney heads are liberated to choose between the mainstream lion king (simba was apparently my first love) or the sad crazy why-are-you-doing-this-to-quasimodo-you-stupid-writer hunchback of notre dame.


13 Januari 2017

can i please be addicted to travelling

i love travelling. no. i think i am addicted.

before going any further, let's talk about addiction, shall we? the oxford dictionary describes the core word "addict" as an enthusiastic devotee of a specified thing or activity. enthusiastic devotee. so not only that an addict is devoted, but he/she is also enthusiastic. addiction is something people normally do when they want to run from something (generally, responsibility? lol), isn't it?

how do i realize this. well let's see. i was browsing for my family's holiday here and because i found reasonably cheap-prized flights *yaay my mom asked "why don't we go to europe too?" *daangg well ok. look where the addiction came from, eh? then instead of working i spent hours. literally hours - anyway, i spent hours too, looking for cheap flights lol - to browse reasonably cheap destinations. my heart beated, my eyes were not closing, i didn't even feel hungry nor thirsty. i had those amazing feeling, like a high, even though it was only for browsing. i was like, oh that's cute! omg, this is so doable! aww ok we need to squeeze it into three days gaby, three days! etc etc.

same thing happened in edinburgh. i was only about "yeah, edinburgh, just take care of the cat, sleep, eat, watch movies, read books, i am so over travelling" and guess what. i finally explored the city and took lots of pictures. had some nice ones, too!

and now this. i am, yet again, stuck. bored. i browsed for places i could go to without visa - or at least have the "on arrival" visa regulation - found morocco, colombia, peru, chile, ecuador, even kyrsgyztan! i was like, i want this, and this, and this, and this, aaaggghhhh i need a break! and voila. the UK do not have as many bank holidays as France. well who's talkin' now.

this is what they have in kyrsgyztan! KYRS-FUCKIN-GYZTAN!!!!

now i wonder. will there be a time. like, some time else than the off time i will spend with my family, for me to just go and wander? i mean kyrsgyztan is TOTALLY a thing to put in my bucket list AND i've got a friend there (will he show me around though, hmm..). chile-peru-ecuador-colombia is definitely doable, well, after a year of dedicated spanish lesson i guess? and i can always, like always, have a weekend off to either morocco or any EU countries as i will (hopefully) get a 6-month schengen visa. if my parents are sure about going to the EU.

then came my worst regret ever. again. when i was too afraid to carry my camera to my south-eastern europe trip, spanning over slovakia-hungary-romania-bulgaria. i totally, totally regret it since everything i saw were just over my expectation. and the thrill of being a first-timer as a solo traveler? nothing compares. like, really.

castelul peles. still the best castle i have ever witnessed in my entire life. nothing compares, not even versailles, yet.

so yeah. i wanna revisit romania and bulgaria, i would reaaally love to explore bosnia and herzegovina, i NEED to realize my lithuania-latvia-estonia journey that was cancelled because of, ehm, revision -__- there are just sooo many places i would like to visit and so many things to explore.

the past 2-3 hours i spent only for looking at gmaps, browsing visa requirements, taking a sneak peak of some pages of lonely planet from different countries, all those stuff. can i please, pleaaase be addicted to travelling, please?

ps: OH! i have just remember! GEORGIA! *go back browsing oh, all the images are from google. i own nothing.

georgiaaaaaaa!!!<3 td="">

pps: after browsing georgia....... UK residents (NOT citizens) are EXEMPTED from georgian visa. WHAAAAT?! *out of breath

05 Januari 2017


ciee judulnya ciee haha ;p

gw habis ngobrol sama salah satu teman dekat gw dan keluar lah kata" itu: "bahagia yah, hidup orang?" wkwk.

bahagia. nah lhoo, gimana deskripsiinnya hayoo.

sempat gw bahas sedikit sebenarnya ketika lagi ngomongin generasi tua (flower bloomer? gw lupa istilahnya) dan Gen-Y alias kita" jaman sekarang. kalkulasinya mudah. bahagia adalah ekspektasi dikurangi realita. what could be more simple?

dan itu kenyataan kok. biasanya manusia dengan ekspektasi rendah cenderung lebih mudah bahagia dibanding yang ekspektasinya aneh". dalam segala hal. kalau kata pebisnis sih, low risk low return. dan kenyataannya tidak sedikit yang bahagia dengan gaya hidup seperti itu.

sementara, hmmm. kebanyakan Gen-Y, lewat berbagai film/novel/ceramah/etc. inspiratif you name it, manusia" yang berani bertaruh dengan high risk high return ini makin banyak. hasilnya? well, survival of the fittest. karena sesuatu yang high return itu memang ujung"nya ga banyak di dunia.

teringat obrolan dengan kawan lain, jauh sebelum hari ini. menurutnya, kita ga boleh membiasakan diri untuk menurunkan ekspektasi, karena lama kelamaan kita akan terbiasa dengan kemudahan untuk puas. ekspektasi itu, taro lah setinggi-tingginya. biar kalau jatuh, at least mendarat dari dan ke tempat tertinggi yang kita bisa.

ok i'll quit ranting in a moment. gampangnya, buat kamu kamu yang sekarang sedang mencari bahagia tapi ga bahagia bahagia juga, coba, ukur investasi dan return yang kamu inginkan dari investasi tersebut. masuk akal kah? masih dalam jangka waktu terbaik kah? kalau memang ga masuk akal (katakan: gue sampai kapan pun ga akan masuk harvard), tinggal. it's not worth your time and commitment.

kalau masih di ambang batas toleransi (katakan: gue pengen punya body semlohay kayak beyonce), kalkulasikan. oh, jangan salah. hal itu sangat mungkin terjadi. sekarang pertanyaannya, ada waktunya? worth it spend waktu untuk punya body kayak beyonce? terus kalo punya body kayak beyonce, langkah selanjutnya apa? tetiba bikin visual album cetar membahana cem lemonade gitu? emang ada yang mau nonton/denger? kalau bisa dicapai tapi ga masuk akal dan kira" ga worth it juga, tinggal.

kalau kita terus"an ngejar sesuatu yang ga worth it, kapan mau bahagia. masak gw mesti punya body kayak beyonce dulu baru bisa bahagia, nggak kan? jadi, apa pun yang kamu pikir membuat kamu ga bahagia, coba deh analisis. apakah ekspektasi kamu berlebih? apakah in reality kamu punya waktu untuk mencapai ekspektasi itu? sesiap apa kamu gontok"an untuk sesuatu yang high risk high income?

jadi, intinya. bahagia itu ga ke mana". tapi butuh usaha. dan waktu. dan doa. waktu kita sama loh, seorang 24 jam/hari. jadi yang kamu liat bahagia itu yang mungkin selisih antara ekspektasi dan realitanya lebih rendah dari kamu. kalau dia kurang tidur, artinya dia bahagia dengan high risk high income lifestyle-nya. kalau boboknya cukup, artinya dia main di area low risk low income. udah. gitu aja kak. cup cup mwach.
Template developed by Confluent Forms LLC