04 Maret 2017

the thought of quitting

life is full of choices. and opportunities. and when something goes wrong or does not go as planned, it's human nature to look for something else.

thoughts like, does this even matter? what difference would it make if i call it off? what could i have become if i did not choose this path in the first place? what else is there in this world? am i missing out?

not once i have ever thought of quitting what i am doing right now. truth to be told, yes, it is like a cycle. monthly, or at least every two months if i am lucky. there's just a lot of uncertainty. is this project worth it? will the results even matter? will this ever be finished? should i do something other than this, like, other projects? and again, am i missing out?

moreover, there are still uncertainty after i am finished. what will i do afterwards? am i really sure about what i am going to do? and again, and again, and again, am i missing out?

as an emotional management, i tried to contact my friends, my relatives, just about anyone who i felt quite close to and/or those who i believe have the knowledge on what i am facing right now. i am pretty lucky being surrounded by various people with different point of views, but still have one conclusion: quitting will not solve any problem.

a genius friend of mine named ghazi convinced me that, i could only call it quit if i have better plan. i told him all of my doubts and opportunities that i might be missing in the upcoming three years of my life, yet he said "well for me, that does not sound like a plan."

he reminded me about the time i have invested for what i have become right now, and simply it's a shame to call it quit. "you are one of few people who are doing what you are doing right now. you're already in a path of becoming an academia and why would you waste it for something that is actually have less certainty than you thought it would?"

and about relationship yadda yadda yadda i talked to albert. simply he told me "IF YOU QUIT WE ARE FRIENDS NO MORE. PERIOD." lol but yea we ended up on nothing there. everything we talk about when we got to the "relationship" part of discussion is kind of illusive. well, truth to be told, this relationship-thingy is also something that has been holding me back. but again it is not enough reason to call it quit.

so what do we do? do we have to continue our way to the end? do we need to stop for while? do you really need to quit?

all i can say now is.... time will tell.

and don't forget to pray :)

Tidak ada komentar:

Posting Komentar

Template developed by Confluent Forms LLC